If You Don’t Like It, Don’t Read It!

If You Don’t Like It, Don’t Read It!

I saw this posted from one of my Twitter feeds and it totally pissed me off. I know I’m treading on somewhat dangerous waters here, because… well, I used to be a childless bitch myself. However, I NEVER NEVER NEVER crucified my friends or anyone else for posting about their babies and keeping, well, the world informed about how they are doing. Often times, Twitter and Facebook are my only means on telling the universe about what is going on because, as a working mom, I don’t have shit for time to do anything more. On top of it- my baby IS MY LIFE. Why would I Twitter or update my Facebook status with anything else? Anyway, I digress. When I was an “unexplained infertile” for 2 1/2 years of my life, I would get angry about some things. I’d get annoyed when I’d read about pregnant teens, or crack moms, crack babies, babies born with AIDS, the constant OOPSIE BFP postings on my web forum but this? I never was THIS much of a bitch. At least she can admit that she is one. I say STFU back to you. Why are you even reading these updates and COLLECTING THEM if it bothers you so much?

Spare Us News On Your Kid’s Bowel Movements

Tuesday, March 17, 2009
filed under: childless bitch

Dear Mommies,

annoyed woman in computer

As a vacant vessel — read: lady without a baby, I am here to throw some enlightenment your way regarding a specific Facebook phenomenon. New moms, especially the stay at home type, have taken to their Facebook status updates as a means of letting the world know every detail of their spawn’s daily developments. Those developments range from the earth shattering napping schedule to the awesomeness of little Jaden’s first poopy in the big boy potty. While these updates might not be news, the reaction to those updates by the non-babied community probably is. For real, ‘[redacted] is smiling at her baby because she is using a fork’ is driving us bananas.

The internets have heard the public outcry of the child-free and have given us this little website in return. Shut the F*&% Up Parents is a collection of Facebook status updates that make our eggs instantly dry up. It documents every offense from using your baby’s face as your profile picture to thoughts on burying placenta in the backyard. Yes, non-mommies find these tidbits offensive – as in OMG, we really don’t care that you are about to walk your infant to the duck park.

True, we non-parents can also be boring as hell in our status updates, ‘Jen loves peanut butter – YUMMY!’ but usually we’re not as consistent.

This is what we’re talking about behind your baby bjorn’d backs, just thought you should know. And trust, it’s definitely not because we’re jealous.


OH I feel SOOOO BAD that you are talking behind my back you miserable bitches. If you’re not jealous then WHY THE HELL do you read it? If you’re not jealous then why do you even care about these posts??? Geez- even my DH has a picture of his baby boy as his profile pic!

I am proud the way I handled my life during what was a depressing time filled with loss and disappointment. Instead of whining and complaining about all the other pregnant mama’s to be or the new mommies out there, I LIVED MY LIFE. My DH and I enjoyed our lives to the fullest to make up for that missing piece, a baby. We traveled, we partied, we SLEPT. I never put down any of the mommies out there for enjoying their babies. I knew I’d get there someday- whether by medical or miracle, I’d have my baby someday too. So, before you get all up in the mommy world face for being excited for things like POOP (and believe me, we do get excited about poop as mommies), when you are a mother yourself (and I feel sorry for your child for having such a bitch of a mom) I hope you feel like an ass for being so bitter and miserable. Get a life and STFU.

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