Mixed Bag Of Rant

Are you this person?

The person who has clothes from 10 years ago sitting in the bowels of your closet. The pants that, especially after childbirth, you can barely fit your right leg into? The cute shirt that you get over your head and get trapped in because you can’t get it off and wondered how you even got in on the first place? The person who swears that if you can “just lose 10 lbs” you’ll feel a million times better but several years later you are still working on losing the same 3 lbs over and over?

Well, I am that person. My husband has begged me a million times over to go through my clothes to give away to Goodwill (or several other charities that we have contributed to in the past). Some of them, even considering they are probably out of fashion now, I refuse to part ways with. I have struggled in a millions different ways in losing weight since having Jack, but can now finally claim a small victory.

I lost my first 10 lbs. 11.4 to be precise.

Getting a little brave over the weekend, I pulled down a pair of jeans that I used to wear pre-Jack and not only did they fit, but they were falling off of me. The accidental wrong pants purchase that I made back in December, the ones that I couldn’t button? They are a perfect fit. Most of the clothes that I have been wearing for the past two years are significantly baggy on me now. Most of my belts have had to be moved up a notch or two. For the first time in probably 4-5 years I am actually going to buy SHORTS to wear this summer.

This is just a SMALL victory? I call it a small victory only because I have a long way to go to get to goal. Since bringing my weight loss journey to the public eye, I have had some people ask: what is your goal? Not only have I been mildly ashamed of how much I want, ahem, NEED to lose, but it seems like a totally insane goal which is why I haven’t said it. Thanks to the support and inspiration of my weekly WeightWatchers meeting group, I feel like I can say it in hopes that saying it to the world will actually help me get there. My goal is to lose 60 lbs.

I’m insane, right?

I’ve made a thousand excuses for why I could never make it to a healthy weight. Genetics, lifestyle, people telling me that I look smaller than I am so why bother… but I am refusing to accept these excuses anymore. I don’t want to get the “look” from my doctor anymore. I don’t want to be put into THAT category anymore. I’m done. I often hear that if I lose that much weight I will waste away into nothing. Not true. I’ve been there before. Granted I was a college freshman, but I’ve been there before and loved the way I looked. No doubt, I worry about not making my goal because I will simply give up and give in. All I can do is keep doing what I’m doing, because apparently, it’s working.

I am surrounded by many friends who talk a lot about wanting to lose weight. If I can offer any unsolicited advice: saying it won’t make it real. You have to make an honest commitment and dedicate yourself 100%. I also hear “I’ve been successful on WeightWatchers before.” Me, too and it slays me that I’ve done it so many times. I’m committed to making this the last time. It can’t be a diet- it has to be a lifelong commitment. Period.

I would love to tell you that the journey thus far has been easy, but it hasn’t. I am surrounded by temptation at work, driving in my car, at home, out with my friends and it takes every ounce of willpower to make the right choices. My journey hasn’t been perfect. I’ve gone out. I’ve drank beer. I’ve had McDonalds (*GASP*). However, I have lost weight (or remained steady) ever since joining and committing to WeightWatchers.

To say that I’m proud of myself is an understatement.