Mixed Bag Of Rant

I read a blog post recently on BabyCenter.com on celebrity engagements and it inspired me to think about my own enagagement story, especially since it has been almost 7 years since my dear husband proposed to me.

The question proposed (haha no pun intended) was:
What do you think? Did you have a hand in picking your ring? Did you/Would you pay for your own engagement ring?

The reason behind the question is because Kim Kardashian is rumored to have bought and paid for her $2 million dollar sparkler herself. Kinda makes me wonder why she said she was “shocked” that he proposed…

I digress.

My husband, chose to take the other route. He did his own research (i.e. paying attention to the kind of jewelry I already wear), went out and bought & paid for my ring on his own. To this day, I do not even know the cost or value of my ring (other than that I have verification from reliable sources that it is real).

His proposal was a complete surprise. For months, he had been distant and even dropping hints of our relationship’s demise. I had grown weary and worried, telling one of my girlfriends just days before he proposed that I wasn’t sure if things were going to work. I even started researching apartments just in case I  had to suddenly move out. We had a trip to the North Shore (Two Harbors, MN) planned for that weekend and I thought I would see how the vacation went before making any decisions. Sitting out on a bluff outside of our resort, he asked me, “So, how do you think things are going between us?” I was thinking that this was it. The relationship breakup talk that I had been dreading. I told him that I know things have been strained and that I didn’t care about getting married- I just wanted to be with him and that other stuff didn’t matter. I then turned the question back on him to which he replied, “Actions speak louder than words,” and he held open a jewelry box with my beautiful engagement ring inside. Of course, because I am totally classy, my exact words were, “Are you fucking kidding me?” Followed by, “YES!!!”

View of the rocks where my proposal took place

This photo of Superior Shores Resort is courtesy of TripAdvisor

I loved my proposal. I love that I was surprised. I love that he did it all on his own (and believe me… 7 years later, that is a big deal). I LOVE my ring and I wouldn’t change a thing about it. Truthfully, he could have proposed with a vending machine ring and I would’ve loved it.

My gorgeous ring.

The strange thing to me, is that my not shopping for my own engagement ring puts me in the minority. Not a single one of my friends, NOT ONE, got the element of surprise for a ring. They shopped with their guys for their rings and knew that at some point a proposal was coming- although I will say that these guys came up with some pretty fabulous proposals. I heard a story recently about a girl who pretty much railroaded her guy into getting engaged- dragged him shopping despite that fact he made it clear that he couldn’t afford a ring, so she paid for the majority of it. There was never even a proposal. Just a discussion about getting married one night that turned into her dragging him to jewelry shops the next day. Were her actions justified? Would this guy ever have proposed otherwise? I get both points of view- she doesn’t want to waste time on a relationship if it isn’t going to lead to marriage. He says he wants to marry her someday. She says, well let’s get this show on the road!

I’ll confess… I had a Knot page before I even had a boyfriend. I had visions in my head for what my dress would look like. Yes, I would play on the ShaneCo website for hours, envisioning my “perfect” engagement ring (seriously, the best website back in the day for online ring browsing). However, these fantasies were well hidden from my boyfriend. I never wanted him to feel pressured into getting married. I truly wanted him to get there on his own. Sure, I would drop little nuggets about my desire to settle down and have kids. He knew where my head was, but that was about as far as it went. I didn’t leave pictures of rings or dresses laying around for him to find. Years later, much to my surprise, he told me he knew very early on that I was it for him.

So tell me… what is it about getting married (or even just a wedding day) that makes girls so crazy? Why the need for the perfect ring? The perfect dress? The perfect location? Does any of this make for a long and happy life?

No doubt, my wedding day was a fairytale. I think of it often, especially with all the weddings I have been a part of and invited to lately. While my wedding day was perfect in every way, it was in fact just: a day. It is the decisions that you make after that day that makes a marriage. I am proud that I never lost sight of the fact that I was making a lifetime commitment. It was never about a ring. A dress. A day. It was about forever.

Ahhhhhh… do you hear that sound?

It is the sound of being just an hour away from a holiday weekend.

Let’s see. This week, I managed to:
1. Run a 5K
2. Survive the rapture (rescheduled now for October 21)
3. Gain 2.5 lbs (seriously… how do you gain that much in a week???)
4. Have a sleepless night thanks to my child waking up like every 2 hours for stupid reasons

RUNNING A 5K. AGAIN?
On Sunday, I ran my first 5K (you can read all about my experience here). I have had many people ask me this week if I will ever do one again. The answer is: YES. I will likely pick another one to train for sometime this fall. I’ve had several offers from friends and colleagues to run with me, so I’m excited that I won’t have to go it alone this time around. It is still true though: I’m not the biggest fan of running, but I am a big fan of accomplishment. Here’s my deal- in the middle of my run, I hate it- the cramping, the breathing that I’m trying to learn to control, the bugs getting in my face; but, after I’m done I totally feel awesome. I also like that it is doing awesome things for my legs and my ass. This will be the first summer in YEARS that I have the confidence to wear shorts. In public. So, I plan to continue on with the Couch to 5K training (I’ll be starting week 6 tomorrow night). One thing that I have stopped doing is trying to run every day. I am happy to limit it to every other day and do other activities on my off nights. I downloaded the Nike Training Club app to my iPhone and I am so far loving it! I thought it was going to be easier than what it was, but I was truly challenged (and still sore from my WEDNESDAY night workout mind you). I love that I can do it without equipment, be challenged and still be able to watch all my TV shows at the same time as getting a good workout. I still have visions of trying to take a Group Fitness class one night during the week, but I have a feeling until my kid is 18 that it is a pipe dream.

THE RAPTURE

I wasn’t raptured. Does that mean I’m going to hell? Eh. Whatever. If anything, I followed some seriously hilarious Tweets about the rapture and it was a silly yet simple reminder to live my life to the fullest every single day. This was my favorite pre-rapture twitpic:

WEIGH IN WEDNESDAY. YIKES.
I gained 2.5 lbs this week. After all the running, all the working out, all the point counting… I GAINED?? It’s weeks like this that are frustrating to me in my journey. How can I works so hard and seemingly be going backwards? I’m really trying to buckle down this week and despite that it is a long holiday weekend, I will track everything I eat. At the very least, I will at least be back on the path of being mindful of what I eat. Oh, and yes, I did track that delicious Potbelly sub today. Thank god for weekly point allowances.

ROUGH NIGHT

For the first time in a long time the kiddo had a rough night. It all began when I woke up to hear him crying- I checked the video monitor and he was in push up position hanging off of his big boy bed. I went in there and he cried “I’m stuck mommy.” I helped him back into bed where he promptly fell asleep and in my zombie state went back to bed. No idea on what time this was at. A couple hours later, we hear more cries. Lost Nuky (does anyone know how to actually spell Nuky? Nukie? Nukkie?). An hour later, crying again. Turns out he leaked his diaper from head to toe and his bed was soaked. Poor kiddo. I can’t even remember a night that we had to get up that many times. I am definitely untrained and was unable to fall back to sleep as quickly as I remember being able to when he was a baby. Fortunately, the last two nights have been peaceful. Let’s hope it stays that way.

Well, I thank you for helping me get through about an hour of a Friday before a holiday weekend. Is it 4pm yet? Hope you all have a wonderful weekend of family and fun.

God Bless America.

So today was a big deal. I ran my first 5K.

I chose to do my first 5K through the WeightWatchers Walk-It Charities Challenge to support the Alliance for a Healthier Generation. Here is a little snippet about the Alliance so you know what my money went towards:

Support the Alliance for a Healthier Generation
Weight Watchers will donate $100,000 to the Alliance for a Healthier Generation in honor of all participants in this year’s Weight Watchers Walk-It Challenge. The Alliance is a non-profit organization founded by the American Heart Association and the William J. Clinton Foundation that works to address childhood obesity and to help children make healthier lifestyle choices. 

I wanted to make this run for me and also in honor of my kiddo whom I hope I can raise to make smart and healthy choices. Raise him so that he doesn’t end up having to deal with obesity like me.

It was also the perfect choice for my first 5K as it was a “walk-it” challenge meaning that if I had to give up and walk, I would be among others who were walking. It was more of a forgiving excursion for me.

I was kind of sad to be there doing it alone. So many were there walking with family and friends. My husband and kiddo came to support me but were quickly detoured by the rain. Really rain? You couldn’t hold off for a simple half hour while I get this thing done?

But, I did it. The fact that I was running alone was actually quite perfect. Even though I have been sharing my weight loss efforts with the entire universe; overall, it has been a deeply personal journey for me. Losing weight has been hard, yes, but running? I am not a runner. I have never been a runner. I was the girl who would fake sick and make up excuses in gym class to avoid running the mile. A 5K? Am I insane? For some reason, running a 5K was a chance to prove to myself that I can work hard towards a goal and finish something that I have been fighting for. It was a chance to prove that I was going to see my weight loss journey through and make it to my goal weight.

It was raining which I was secretly happy for as it kept me cool and as soon as it stopped, the journey seemed to get harder. It was muggy and sloppy. I confess that I didn’t run the whole thing. Being down for 3 weeks with my ruptured ovary set me back in my training, so I was not physically ready or able to run it in its entirety. I ran a lot of it though and pushed my endurance to the max. I completed my 5K in 37 minutes.

The ending was anti-climactic though. I had the dreamy vision in my head that my husband and little boy would be waiting for me at the finish line to give me a hug and a huge bottle of water. Because of the rain, they had to quickly take cover as neither of them were dressed to deal with the rain. They drove the course and cheered me along the way. I’m not sure how he timed it so well, but my husband drove up not more than 10 seconds after I crossed the finish line. Even though, I didn’t have my “dream” finish, I’ll confess… it was kinda nice not to have to make the mile walk back to the car. I was hot, drenched, thirsty, tired, sore… it was pretty perfect.

I’m super proud of what I accomplished today. A lot of people have been asking me if I will do another 5K. One part of me thinks it is nuts. Truthfully? Even after all of this, I still don’t like running. Why should I continue to do it if I don’t like it? The other part of me wants to see it through: finish my Couch to 5K training and see if it actually gets easier. I guess, my answer will have to be: we’ll see. If I can make running a REAL part of my exercise/weight loss journey then perhaps I will stick with it. I’m hoping that if my darn body will just get in shape, it won’t feel like such torture to run. The fighter in me wants to prove to myself that I can do it. That I can be a runner.

Meanwhile, I need to focus my efforts on my weight loss. I’m so ready to get there.

Here are a few images to remember today’s awesome journey.

Arriving at the start.

Pre-Run Pic. Really missing my ponytail today.

Event Pic From My Husband. Packed House.

We reached another small milestone in Jackson’s short life: the big boy bed.

He was very excited at first and crawled right in and under the covers. That lasted for about oh… 15 minutes. He was up and out and ready to explore and test out his newly acquired freedom. We promptly went in and removed the comforter and sheet and gave him back his regular blanky figuring that this whole sheet and comforter thing was just a total foreign concept and to wait to try that for another time. Baby steps for mommy and daddy too perhaps? 10 minutes after that intervention, he was up and out again. Another intervention and explanation about staying in bed. In the next 10 minutes, he threw his blanky and puppy on the floor just KNOWING that we were watching him and testing the limits. One final time and intervention and he was back to his usual crib antics. Entire body across his pillow, kicking the wall. We let him do whatever his usual rituals were and finally, by about 9:00 (that is 1.5 hours past his usual bedtime) he was sleeping soundly and I knew we’d be in the clear for the night. The question remained… will he fall out? As I watched him on the video monitor, there were a couple moments that I wondered if he would take a spill, but he corrected himself and was back on the bed in a normal position (albeit, BACKWARDS… i.e. his feet were on his pillow).

Not Jack’s actual bed- just a sample of what it looks like post-transition

I’d like to give a shout out to Supernanny. We had always planned to use her bedtime technique when the time had come to change to a big boy bed. The technique I am referring to is the one where you promptly put them back into their bed, with little talk so they understand that at bedtime, that is where they are supposed to be. Let me tell you folks, it was very effective.

We decided to make the transition to the big boy bed not because he was trying to escape the crib, but mostly because it just felt like time. He did a great job at the hotel sleeping on his little toddler travel bed, so we thought it was time to do it at home not to mention, lifting a 2.5 year old into a crib is not exactly the easiest task on the planet. We still have the video monitor on him… how to break mom and dad of THAT habit? Not sure.

Why does this qualify for Motivation Monday? Well, it is all about taking the next steps in a journey. It’s not always easy to let go of things that are easy. Keeping Jackson in the crib was easy. It was routine. But now it is time to move forward.

I feel that way about my weight loss journey. The easy thing is to give up and give in to old habits. The easy thing is to justify bad choices. The easy thing is to make excuses.

It’s time for me to grow up and stick it out, even though it is hard.

I have mentioned my struggles to stay on plan lately.

I’ve been busy. Sick. Bored. Hungry.

Yes. I’m running a 5K in one week, but finding the motivation to train for it has been nearly impossible. Being so busy the past few weeks I have found my “me” time precious. Working out just feels like the last thing on my list.

So what do you do when life gets in the way? Shake things up.

Time to go back to my roots. Go back to the things that motivated me back in January when I started my weight loss journey: XBox Kinect. It seems kind of silly, but EA Sports Active and Dance Central are actually wicked good workouts and best of all? They are fun! So, instead of feeling like I’m being tortured by my 5K training, right now to stay on track I need to make it fun.

I’m sure there are many like me. You know who you are. You are bored of your workouts. You move on. Your motivation wanes. My advice to you is to keep it fun. If what you are doing is no longer fun for you, move on to something new.

I’m not giving up on being a runner. I may end up run/walking the 5K next Sunday but that’s okay. It is a good starting point. For now, I just need to keep finding ways to stay on track so I can reach my goal: to lose 60 lbs. I can’t get there by being tortured or bored. I can only get there by having fun and keeping it interesting.

Get out there and have some fun everyone!

So I finally mustered up an extra minute to tell you all about a fabulously exhausting wedding weekend!

The wedding of my sister-in-law began like many wedding weekends. With nails, toes and run, run, RUNNING around with last minute business. We got ourselves beautied up and headed to rehearsal where we learned just how much our feet were going to be pissed off when things were all said and done. We went to dinner where I got to reunite with my husband and son. Can I just interject that I loved the sound of “It’s Mommy!!!” from across the parking lot?

After a late night, we headed back to the hotel to sleeping arrangement uncertainty. We haven’t traveled with Jackson since he was 10 months old and we’ll just say… It was a tough weekend and we weren’t sure what to expect. Miraculously, he slept on his little toddler air bed all night long without any issues. Too bad I couldn’t do the same.

The day of the wedding started with the usual trip to the salon for hair, makeup, coffee and of course making sure that the bride was happy and beautiful. And she was.

As for me… I opted for more of a half up do (and of course wished I had gone ALL up).

Pre-Wedding

Before we knew it, the time came to get dressed and wouldn’t you know it… my dress really was too big. Sure, it stayed up, but I was self-conscious about it the whole time wishing I had some magical access to some giant safety pins to hold this thing up. After a couple hours of pictures, the time had come to make the walk. I thankfully didn’t fall. I got choked up but didn’t cry (with two bouquets to hold, I didn’t have access to the kleenex secretly tucked away). My train didn’t get stepped on. My dress didn’t fall off.

Let the party begin!

Me & The Bride Cruising In The Limo

The Bridal Party. Can you even believe the bride is 28 weeks pregnant??

Me & A Couple Groomsman

Me & The Groom

My Little Man Dancing w/ the bride. He wanted to dance with her all night.

My Guys

My little monkey danced like this for at LEAST two hours… He was the life of the party!!

It was a fabulous weekend filled with so much love and family. Selfishly, I feel blessed to have been a part of it all. I had the chance to stand up for a person who I consider not just a friend, but after a long haul, a sister. I got the chance to spend time and really get to know the women on my husband’s side of the family. I got to see my little boy act like a big boy and have so much fun. I loved everything about it.

No lie, being a bridesmaid is hard. It costs a lot of money. You are put on display to the world. However, despite all of those things, there is a little magic. Being chosen to stand up for someone is a big deal. You’ll be in their pictures for an eternity. You’re a part of someone’s most important day. It’s not a role to be taken lightly. I am still the best of friends with all of my bridesmaids and I’ll never forget all they had to sacrifice in order to be a part of our wedding day and what a special part of my heart they continue to hold.

It took a couple days to recover from all the lack of sleep (hotels and I do not go together). I literally cried when I drove up to my house as I was so happy to just be home and able to sleep in my own bed again. I officially ended my bridesmaid era by going from this:

To THIS:

No more bridesmaid duties means no more desire to have long hair! I’m so excited to have my shorter hair back. It has been many moons since my hair was this short. I love it and importantly, my husband LOVES it.

I do have one more important wedding coming up this summer as my close friend gets married to her love. She opted for a small bridal party and asked me to be her personal attendant. I excitedly said yes and know how important this role is. I’m already making a list and checking it twice for all the things I’m going to need to have ready… we’ll save that post for another day!

Cheers!

Well friends, the time is here.

One of the main reasons for my weight loss motivation is the wedding I am in this weekend. While I am not at the weight I thought I would be at this point, I am still pretty proud of how far I’ve come. My dress alterations cost me a pretty $120 to take in all that glorious fabric and it is still even a little big. I have a feeling I will need to get creative with some safety pins. My husband joked that I will need to stuff my bra. I can honestly say, that is the first time in my life that has EVER been recommended to me.

Here is my dress:

I have had a rough go of staying on track lately and my 3 lb weight gain over the past couple weeks is a huge wake up call- it is exactly the motivation infusion I needed and a pretty firm reminder that my efforts are not short-term. When I quit, I gain. Period. I have to remind myself that I didn’t decide to lose weight just for a wedding or just to wear shorts this summer. I want to be able to enjoy this for all the wonderful events I will be involved in for many years to come.

I am the excuse queen, so stepping on the scale I had a few different zingers that I thought would suffice to explain my recent weight gain. The truth is, there is no excuse. I made the choices. I cheated. I justified it in my head. Yes, birth control pills are doing a number on me both physically and psychologically, but it is not an excuse. I know I can do better than this.

As of this morning, no more excuses. I have already logged my points for the day. I am already planning to get some exercise tonight regardless of how much packing there is to do to get myself and a 2.5 year old ready for a long weekend (which is a whole other post in and of itself).

I was thinking for awhile that I wanted terribly to skip my WeightWatchers weigh in and meeting today knowing that I am facing a significant gain this week, but I know that is the exact type of excuse that I would make to hide from my own truth. So, I will go and face facts. I will dust myself off and get back on the wagon. I WILL make it through this wedding weekend making smart choices about food instead of making it an excuse to be a cheater.

I will reach my goal weight.

I will be back to the Rant next week with many wedding pictures! I hope you have a beautiful and healthy weekend.

As if I wasn’t crabby enough today, I’m now going to talk about my 35th birthday? What am I thinking?!!

So yes, I turned 35 and some of my profiles are now going to need updating. I can no longer click in the “25-34” box on surveys. Supposedly my fertility officially goes in the shitter at 35. However, someone told me I get an insurance break? That sounds like a positive.

I had a fantastic weekend celebrating and even though I paid for it for a couple days (yes… I had a two day hangover), I had a great time with friends and family.

My friends and I hooked up halfway between the Twin Cities and St. Cloud (so my St. Cloud friend could join in the fun as well as do some serious shopping damage with me). I’ll just say that even just a 1/2 hour outside of the cities is a whole different bar scene…

It’s blurry… but yes, someone wore this T-shirt out in public. For those who can’t read it, it says “There’s nothing like hitting the G Spot to put a smile on your face.” Only in a small town bar…

My friend singing Britney:

My friend was asked to dance by this guy… He was copying her moves.

Doing the Cupid Shuffle… Am I THE ONLY ONE who had never heard of this before? Am I showing my age by not knowing? Will I have to do it at my sister-in-law’s wedding this weekend? I recorded it so I can learn some moves…

Me & My BFF. Pre Black Velvet.

Me & My Friend & a Few Cocktails

I will not be an official blogger on PriorFatGirl.

BUT

I am still a Future PriorPriorFat Girl!

My healthiness journey started several months before I nominated myself to be the next Future PriorFatGirl Mom and I fully intend to continue on with my journey.

I mentioned a couple weeks ago that I had a setback. I had an ovarian hemorrhagic cyst rupture which caused me mountains of pain not to mention a medically required break from exercise. It knocked me off my wagon and I find myself straggling behind now to catch up. Tack on my birthday (i.e. mass amounts of alcohol) and and a wedding this weekend and my busy life is now getting in the way too.

I’m struggling. I’m gaining (1 lb last week and this week isn’t look any more promising). Needless to say, I’m not happy with myself.

However, I’m trying not to be so hard on myself.

Part of my treatment is to be on birth control. Well, ladies, many of you probably know what that can do to your body. I’m trying to deal with all the new side effects and for me, one of them is carbs/sweets cravings. Easter was a huge issue for me as I gave into those cravings. The good news is that I am very conscious of all my decisions. I KNOW in my head that I shouldn’t be eating certain things. I KNOW that I need to track (which I haven’t been doing a good job of). I KNOW that I need to exercise, even just a little.

What amazes me is how important it is in my weight loss attempt to incorporate both diet and exercise. I cannot do one without the other as they both so intricately weave into my success. I am slowly getting back into my 5K training and I am still so determined to run the entire time on May 22nd. I started over with week 1 so I could allow my body some healing time as well as to get back into the exercise groove. I think it was the right thing to do. I have my good days and bad days with BC side effects and I just need to be a better listener to my body as well as be strong enough to be able to push the cravings aside and just say no.

Once this wedding weekend is over, I will finally be able to focus entirely on my weight loss without so many distractions (kinda funny to say that when there is a TODDLER running around… there are ALWAYS distractions).

This just goes to show how truly tough the journey is to lose weight!! I’m not giving up!