Month: May 2009

Sad. Lonely. Tired.

OMG- just realized this post was in draft! I wonder why I never posted it? Weird. Anyway thought I would publish because of the adorably cute picture of my baby.

Okay, say it with me now. Awwwwwwww! Yup, that’s my little angel! That just happens to also be my first ever official Mother’s Day card! I think it is more than appropriate that I got one from him before anyone else. After a very challenging week, it really made my day and I can’t stop looking at it!

It has indeed been a challenging week. A challenging last couple of weeks for that matter. My darling husband has been traveling this great nation being a technical wizard. The better he gets at his job, the more they keep sending him out to clients. He’s quickly becoming a hot commodity. I am super proud of him, but no lie, it is tough balancing a full-time job and an 8 month old (holy crap- my baby is 8 months old??!). All I can say is: God Bless the single mamas out there, because doing it on your own is a TOUGH job. There’s no telling if you’ll have a great night or a horrible night with sleep, you have to plan your potty breaks, you have approximately 5 minutes to eat dinner in preparation for an evening temper tantrum. Not to mention our poor, sweet amazing dog Sadie who needs attention as well. For two weeks, I had only one really horrible night where Jack woke up at 3:30am and just didn’t bother to go back to sleep. Brings me back to the old college days where I would pull an all-nighter studying for a test and then slugging around the next day just hoping to stay awake. That is how I felt after that night. For the most part, I have lived off of caffeine and just constantly reminding myself to stay positive and not get frustrated with myself, with my husband or with Jack.

I often get the advice of going to family or friends for help. I know that they have offered their services in the past and I know that I’ve turned them down. Which is probably why nobody bothered to even remotely check on me over the past two weeks to make sure that we were getting by okay. Let me explain myself… I GREATLY appreciate the offers to come over and help out and hope nobody thinks I take them for granted. I am a very routine oriented person and having someone come over to try and help sort of disrupts the routine if that makes sense? It actually makes things a little more difficult. What I would LOVE for someone to do, rather than help with Jack persay, is to drop off something for me to EAT. Pizza Rolls get seriously old after two weeks but are the fastest to nuke in the microwave in a very short amount of time and I didn’t want to get fast food or take out every night. It just gets to be a lot. I know it is my own fault for turning so many away in the past, but that doesn’t mean I don’t like to hear the offers, ya know? Am I making any sense in my sleep deprived state?

On a bright note for the day, hubby was able to get on an earlier flight thank GOD. We’ll actually have a meal together and he’ll get to see his baby for more than 10 minutes.

I wonder if anyone else has noticed in the news that there has been a LOT of stories about bad mothers and parents? I mean… everything from feeding your 6 months olds McDonalds to not buckling your child in a carseat and having your FOUR WEEK OLD BABY flying out the door to biting your kids to discipline them. It makes me sick. It hurts my heart. These people have no idea that there are actually people out there who would give anything to have a baby and THIS is what they do. Tragic.

Hauser Thoughts

I’m sure like many have, I’ve been following the story of the 13 year old boy who is refusing treatment for cancer because of “religious” reasons. He’s refusing treatment because treatment sucks!! This family hasn’t even remotely been specific as to what kind of “natural” healing they will use to make Daniel better which tells me that the kid is being just that: a kid. The real tragedy here is the that parents are just feeding into it. How could ANY parent just sit there and say no? Gee, let’s see… 90-95% chance of survival with treatment or 95% chance of death without. KID you are getting treatment and that is that. This just in: he is being forced to resume chemo and latest tests show that his tumor is larger than ever. So how did that natural healing go for ya?

It isn’t quite cancer or anything, but Jack happens to be going through a pretty tough round of teething. Memorial Weekend was anything but a fun, family filled time. It was spent with a very upset, crabby child who had no ability to nap on his own and late nights filled with lots of tears. My poor little guy. It just breaks my heart to see him hurting like this. On top of teethers, Motrin, Tylenol… I’m kinda at a loss. Thankfully a Facebook post brought in a lot of pretty cool ideas that I will give a chance if we have another long night tonight. Now that the teeth are poking through, things should start to get better.

In other news… I am taking my first trip away from my baby this week and I have so many mixed emotions about it I’m not sure how to handle it! I’m excited to get away with one of my BFF’s- I haven’t seen her since Thanksgiving and even then it was a group outing and very little chance to catch up. She’s one of the most awesome and spontaneous people I have ever known and I’m so excited that she was willing to take a trip to Vegas with me on super short notice. I’m excited to take some time out for just me- to relax, de-stress, get a tan and most importantly- get some SLEEP. What I’m having an issue with is leaving my baby. I feel like a bad mommy for even remotely wanting to get away. I feel like I’m abandoning him and my husband. I already feel guilty for the lack of sleep my husband is about to endure. In the back of my mind, I know they both will be just fine and it’ll probably be good for my husband to have to “do it all” for once. One thing that can’t be fixed though is how much I will MISS my little baby. I haven’t been away from him for an extended period of time ever and it is going to gut me. He may cry and keep me up all night, but there is NOTHING like to feel of him falling asleep with me as we rock to the sounds of lullabies. My heart just swells with love every time I think of him, every time I see him.

My Rant on Kate Gosselin

First of all, let me preface this… I have maybe watched Jon & Kate + 8 all of once when my sister-in-law (bless her heart) tortured me through it while staying with us to watch Jack one weekend. Despite whether or not I watch the show, or whether or not I even liked it, I’m going to have to take Kate’s side here. I know her husband thinks of her as a total overbearing bitch (as does the rest of America it seems), but unless you are a Mom, you just don’t know. You just don’t get it. Putting aside the stupid tabloid rumors of infidelity and contracts stating that their marriage is technically over but are together for the cameras (good God), taking care of kids is tough work. I have one and it is hard work, but to have EIGHT? She has every right to be as big of a bitch as she wants. She fricken gave birth to eight kids. Why shouldn’t she want things her way? Why shouldn’t she be a little greedy? She’s got a lot of mouths to feed! As far as her appearance? Good for her getting stuff fixed! I’m envious! For real though. I am hard on my husband as well. While he definitely does his share of parenting, I do have the bulk of many of the responsibilities and when I leave things in his hands, there is always something missing. Granted, I’m a little more willing to let him make some mistakes and figure things out for himself, but sometimes I get in his face about how to care for our baby. It’ll certainly be interesting when I go on vacation next weekend.
Another rant of mine is of course dealing with the care of our babies from outsiders. They say that Kate fired more than 40 nurse nannies because they did not fit her standards. Well, I say GOOD FOR HER for being picky and choosy about who takes care of her kids! It is not easy to find a good match when it comes to childcare. As you all know, I have plenty of issues with mine. Anyway- those are my thoughts about Kate. Again, I say, if you don’t have children yourself, you have NO right to judge her. You have no idea what it is like to care for a baby and how much pressure it is to have the responsibility of raising your child right- whatever you might be your “right” to be.
In other news… another daycare FAIL. Jack got his first baby owie. Now, I know… this is bound to happen sooner or later, but it doesn’t mean it irritates me any less. Supposedly, Jack was reaching out of the infant treehouse on the playground and he toppled and they couldn’t catch him fast enough. I guess my question is- if you’re going to put an infant in this thing who has only recently learned how to crawl and doesn’t really have any sense of balance, WHERE were you? WHY wasn’t the teacher right there looking out for them? This isn’t social hour!!! He’s got a little goose egg above his eye that doesn’t seem to be phasing him much, but still. One of the reasons we chose this place is for the low child to teacher ratio and they seem to be having a poor time managing it.

Daycare Saga

Okay, so I’ve been a little annoyed with our daycare provider lately. For the most part, they are fabulous. Jack is excelling in every way, shape and form and I’m so proud of him day by day. What is annoying me is more of the unsolicited comments and advice. I absolutely FEAR sometimes bringing up certain things with them in the morning because they’ll come back with something that makes me sound like a terrible mommy.

First came the Nuk. Jack is very quickly becoming addicted to his Nuk (paci, mimi… whatever you chose to call it). We are hoping that if we are able to break him of it now, it’ll be easier. We already don’t sleep so what’s the biggie right? We decided that we would start out small. If he’s playing and having a grand ol’ time then he doesn’t need it. He can have it after meals/bottles, getting ready for naps and at bedtime. I told daycare about our trying this and they totally bitched me out! “He needs it for his teething,” was their response. Are you KIDDING ME? I’m the parent here. You do what I say. Period. I let it slide. I said to at least TRY to have him use it less and less and only go to it as a crabby last resort for him. That seemed to be a reasonable negotiation.

My most recent annoyance came when I got home last Friday night to find that Jack had gone through his entire stash of clothes that we leave for him at school. He spit up at least a half a dozen times and definitely enough to warrant a clothing change (stinky!!). I couldn’t figure out why he was spitting up so much! We tested the waters this weekend. After bottles, we sat him up, we held him, we let him crawl around we let him Exersauce. No spit ups. None. Drooling? Yes. No spit up. So again… what the hell are they doing to him that he’s spitting up? Fearfully, I bring my mommy knowledge with me to daycare this morning and geared up to tell them my findings- that we went through an entire weekend without any spit up. I suggest that they not let him sit up and that crawling around seemed to be the best way to save his clothes if he IS going to spit up. On cue as expected- it isn’t THEIR fault. She said I should bring him to the doctor to be checked for REFLUX. WHAT???? I said- “No. Jack does not have reflux. We’ve been down this road with his doctor and it has to do with his activity post-bottle.” It just ANNOYED me! Again, a total cop-out response from them!

Seriously, and I’m not just bragging because he’s my kid, but Jack is the easiest baby in the world. He really doesn’t cry that much. He’s pretty low key and minds his own business. He doesn’t nap well and that very well might be his only fault. Otherwise, he eats like a champ and he’s such a sweetheart- always has a smile for everyone. Why are they so hard on him? Why are they so hard on ME?

I’m sure I’m just overreacting because well, that’s what Mom’s do about everything to do with their kids. I take everything personally when it comes to Jack. I work hard to make sure that he is going to remain that happy, well-adjusted, sweet little boy. I pray that daycare doesn’t screw it up!