Month: November 2008

Hurt. Sad. Lost

DH and I are not getting along. I try to let him know how I feel but instead of communicating he just walks away from me all the time leaving our situation completely unresolved. All I want is for him to help out with Jack without being told to do so. I want him to understand that getting up for an hour at 4am and then trying to grab a couple extra hours of sleep is not sleeping in. I want him to tell me he loves me every now and then. I want him to not to expose my embarrassments to Facebook making me feel even more self conscious than I already feel.

I want to be happy again.

No More Unsolicited Advice Please

Well, Jack is now 2 months, 2 weeks old and is absolutely perfect. He is laughing and cooing up a storm now and we are having a blast with him. Sure, we still have rough nights. We still have no idea really what we are doing. As we have found, this whole caring for an infant thing is pretty much trial and error. He was spitting up all the time and thought he might have reflux, so we changed formula to Soy. Ugh. Big mistake. He started spitting up curdled milk with that and pretty much screaming during and after his feedings. We tried lactose free and that was even worse. He got constipated and started pooping up (or not pooping) little hard pebbles. So, we went back to the Gentlease and all is well. Crabby baby gone, lots of laughs and coos, LOTS of poop and longer night sleeps. Our current challenge is getting him to sleep without his crutches- those being his car seat and his swing. By some miracle he is currently asleep in his pack and play and hoping he will give us a nice hour.

We went to his school for orientation. I think it is funny that some people thought it was a joke! This in and of itself makes me confident we chose the right place- a place that took the time to sit down with us and go over all the policies, procedures and anything else we would need to know about leaving our most precious possession in their care. While I am confident that Jack will thrive there, I know that I will be a wreck the first day, and probably for a few days after that. I pray every day that I’m making the right choice to go back to work.

Anyway, it is off to another feeding! Hungry, growing baby!

The Mixed Emotions of Motherhood

Well, my sweet angel is 2 months old today! I can hardly believe it- the time really is going by so quickly.

I love my son. There are times when I just stare at him in awe and can hardly believe that he is mine and that he is here. I marvel at how big he is getting and my heart melts when I hear him giggle. I am definitely not taking anything for granted with him. Every moment is precious- he is my son, forever. Then there is the devil Jack. The one that cries so much and so loud and I can’t decipher what it means. I change him, I feed him, I try to cuddle him… He continues to cry. While it is fine for me to be up until 3a now while I’m on maternity leave, I have GOT to figure out a way to get him to sleep longer at night before I go back to work. Last night I just cried in frustration. I was so tired and he was so NOT tired. I know in time this will get better, but how much time is the question? 6 Months? A year? He goes in for his 2 month checkup tomorrow and I plan to ask his pedi for advice.

This is totally off the subject, but I feel I have to post my opinion about our new president-elect. I have kept mum on politics, but really feel that our way of life will be threatened by him. My husband and I have worked incredibly hard to get where we are. It didn’t happen overnight. I totally consider us the American dream and now that is in doubt because he wants to take our money and give it to someone else. Someone who didn’t work as hard and who isn’t willing to work as hard. My best friend’s husband is the perfect example of this person. He is self-employed god bless him, but while hitting tough times, he isn’t willing to go out there and get a full-time job. Instead, he’s choosing to bitch and whine rather than go out there and do whatever he has to do to make ends meet. So we have to pay for the middle class’s lack of ambition? How fair is that?? The middle class bitches about big corporations getting tax breaks, well, without those tax breaks, they may not be able to EMPLOY you anymore! Then how will you be doing? OH that’s right. You’ll get my money. This person has given false hope to a bunch of people making them think that they don’t have to do anything to get by. Do you really want to rely on the government for everything? For the roof on your head? For your healthcare?? I just shake my head. Infertility and pregnancy is a great example of why healthcare should not be universal. Being infertile for more than 2 years, it was MY right and MY choice on how I wanted to receive care for my condition. This becomes even more important in pregnancy! Sure, I followed the “schedule” as recommended by my insurance, but we also had the freedom to request additional ultrasounds and tests without having anyone tell us that we can’t. I love having that choice and do not want anyone to take it away. It is called FREEDOM folks. Isn’t that what being in America is all about? Home of the free? Seems like a lot of those freedoms are slowly being taken away.

Rant over. I’m just going to sit back and pray to God that more lives don’t get ruined, including ours and my son’s.

Happy Election Day

Ahhhh election day. The one day that makes me proud to be an American. I was just saying the other night that no matter who wins, it will be pretty kick ass if the country sets a record on number of voters. I am HOPING that everyone realized how special it is to be an American and that it is our right to vote. That is one of the many things about living in this country that I do not take for granted.