Mixed Bag Of Rant

As you all know, I have been a fan of American Idol since its inception. The idea that undiscovered talent can make it in the big business of today’s recording industry has always captivated me. This must be a joke, right? For ratings? Can’t AI make an executive decision about San”gina” Malakar (hilariously nicknamed by my favorite DJ Priestly on XM Radio’s 20 on 20)and just get rid of him? He is by and far the worst AI contestant to make it this far and I am baffled. Chris Sligh has a bad week and gets kicked off. Sanjaya has a bad week EVERY week and gets to stay? It is a complete and utter travesty that this yahoo gets to stay on the show. If he gets a recording contract? I may never listen to music again (and I’m a MUSICIAN!). I do have to say that this will affect if I will continue to watch the show. Hey, I know America votes, but come on… this untalented joke won’t actually win, will he?

On the baby front. Another month bites the dust.

My cool celebrity look-alike collage from MyHeritage.com. Get one for yourself.

Firstly, I must discuss the downs of business travel. I cannot even begin to explain how much pity I feel for people who travel just about every week. There is nothing glamorous, fun, or exciting about bouncing around from state to state and plane to plane. I didn’t sleep for 3 days. Literally. No sleep. It has been two days since my return from my latest trip and I am still absolutely exhausted. Despite two solid nights of sleep I feel like I just need more and more. While I am grateful for the opportunity to travel with these high brow executives, it is really night the life for me.

So, I’m tired. That much I’ve made clear. Am I tired though because… I might be pregnant? Or am I just tired? I don’t know why this month feels different. I just have a feeling about it. I mean that more literally than you might think. On cycle day 5, I had a dramatic drop in temperature. I had initially chalked it up to lack of sleep, but it went right back up the next day. Could it be the mythical implantation dip? Ever since the “dip” I’ve had a bit of cramping, a butterly fluttery feeling in my tummy, and of course the fatigue has increased exponentially. I hate reading into these symptoms in fear of simply being wrong or having PMS, but the other part of me is saying this is different.

Tomorrow, I get to hang out with my sister and baby nephew, Miles. Admittedly, I have not seen them sort of on purpose. It’s hard to be around babies and families when you’re infertile. Even when they are your own family. My sister is to be married soon, and I need to just let go of all the negativity and be a good sister and a good auntie. I have no reason to be hostile to them- it is not their fault that we are unable to procreate. I’m looking forward to my Miles time!

Stay tuned for further developments!

WHAT THE FUCK?????
I cannot even believe this guy Sanjaya gets to stick around. Granted Brandon Rogers forgot his lyrics- SO WHAT. Brandon is adorable and talented and Sanjaya is… NOT. He is fugly and boring. He can’t sing. Perhaps this so-called talent wins him a spot in his high school musical or maybe the talent show, but come on. American Idol?? I am dismayed. Perhaps him being in the bottom three will thrust him back to nowheresville sooner rather than later.
As far as my predictions… they were kinda close, huh? Phil Stacy was in the bottom 3 and Haley was close enough to being there.
Stay tuned for my predictions after next week’s show!!!
On the baby front… I have ovulated and now… the wait. Wait number 17. I think March is a magical month though. We got pregnant last year in March so hopefully the spring fever will bring it back to us again! Regardless- I’m staying positive. This will be my month.

To my dear devoted Mixed Bag devotees (I know you’re out there!!)… my apologies. I have been remiss in posting lately and am here to make amends.

While my world of TTC is not quite as exciting as it once was while doped up on overstimulating, hormone-inducing, follicle-growing drugs, it is still kicking. I got my first positive OPK in almost 3 months! That’s right- the 3 months that I had become an alien on Clomid never produced a positive OPK. Coincidence that I didn’t get pregnant on that garbage? I think not. Making the decision to toss the Clomid was the best one that I have made since we started TTC. The devil that has been possessing my body for the last 3 months is officially gone. I feel like the real Jo again and am happy. If we get pregnant, great. If not, see ya in Italy in 2008!

Since I am not quite as insane, I can now re-focus on more important things, like, American Idol! Dripping with sarcasm a little, I do love the absolute stupidity of this show. Sanjaya… really… are the American people deaf? He is just plain not good at all. Sundance may have been a weirdo, but when he was good, he was good. Adios Antonella Barba. What did I hear about her latest job offers? Something about being the face of some porn company??! Nice. If she takes that job she can flush whatever dignity she had down the toilet. As for the top 12. I’m not all that dissatisfied. As a non-voter, I don’t have a lot to complain about, but really, I am NOT going to spend my precious time at night hitting re-dial on the phone. I will just pray and hope that stupid sites such as vote for the worst don’t actually influence the voting public.

My predictions for this week:
Who should get the boot: Sunjaya & Haley
Who will get the boot: Phil & Haley

Unfortunately, Sunjaya will stay on and be the next “9 Lives” contestant.

As for now… I must depart as it is indeed 62 degrees out in early March in Minnesota. I plan to whip open the sun roof and actually enjoy a long commute home!

Today, I came home to my husband saying that he has very bad news. I’m thinking, oh god, his sister’s job fell through, someone is sick, someone is in the hospital…

Oh no. It was that one of his groomsman, only married for six months, is expecting their first baby together this fall. Now, what kind of a person have I become that “Joe” automatically assumes this is bad news!?? I am saying this here, and saying this now: I AM SO HAPPY FOR ROB AND HEATHER!!!!!! Having a baby is a blessing and a gift and they deserve it.

Am I envious, well, yes. It doesn’t mean I don’t want to see them or meet the new baby when he/she comes. I don’t want others to feel that they can’t be around us!! I would feel worse if anyone avoided us because of this.

I don’t have ill feelings towards the pregnant. I have ill feelings towards myself. I feel broken. I’m sad that I can’t give my husband a baby. I’m sad that I don’t know why.

Meanwhile, I’m going to move forward with my theory. Before we are able to get pregnant and actually go full term, the universe has to correct itself. The planets have to align. All has to be right with the world. Is it possible we are there? My sister-in-law is healthy again and lands a great job, my best friend gets hired on permanently from her temp job, my sister is getting married… The planets are aligning. It’s our turn.

Firstly, I must discuss the controversy over Antonella Barba on American Idol. SHE SUCKS!!! I don’t care how pretty she is, she isn’t very good and if people are voting for her, they are voting for all the wrong reasons. Even the pics out there don’t bother me as much as her singing voice. This is a singing competition, not a pageant. She was terrible last week and terrible last night. As far as the professional slutty photo shoot… ugh. Is this a role model? I think not. You don’t see Katharine McPhee who is also stunning out there doing slutty Playboy like photo shoots. I guarantee that when Antonella is booted, and she will be booted before the top 10 are chosen, she will be in either Maxim or Playboy. I just hope she’s not this season’s Kellie Pickler. I hated Kellie all of last season too and she did well. I can hardly even believe she has an album out. Ugh.

As far as my TTC journey. No exciting news today other than I am so glad I decided to take a break from Clomid. I am already starting to feel more like myself. My energy levels are steadily going up and I can’t wait to get back to my classes and my life as I once used to know it. I’m happy that I am leaving this journey in God’s hands and am confident that He will bless us with a child on His time, when the time is right.

Also, for the first time in my professional career, I made the decision to work from home for the next two days!! I’m very lucky to have a boss who agrees that driving in snowstorms is dangerous and not worth the 2 hour commute both morning and night to try and get to work to do the same thing I can do at home. I’m certainly not complaining- I’ve got a movie going and I’m in sweats! What could be better!

LIFE is good!