Since it has officially been a year since Mr. Joe and I started trying to have a baby (not counting the 3/28 miscarriage) we made the decision to have some fertility testing done. “Joe” did an SA (*whispers* semen analysis)- we’re still waiting on his results. As for me… let’s just say a woman’s testing is far more invasive than a man’s is BY FAR. My results so far have all been positive- I’m relieved that I have a normal functioning thyroid, and after undergoing an HSG (hystersolpingogram… i.e. an x-ray), I have no tube blockage and everything looks normal and good. Now, why do I complain? As I write I am doubled over in pain from this HSG. It was, in a word, horrible. Dye is injected through the cervix in order view and take pictures of the uterus and tubes and make sure that the dye runs through showing no blockage. I’ve posted photo (not me) to show what this x-ray looks like- this is very similar to what I saw today!
This procedure sucked rocks though. The dye they insert is incredibly painful. Was it worth it? Absolutely. To know that I have a healthy uterus and tubes and to know that there isn’t anything causing a fertility problem is worth the agony. The other incredibly horrible part of this process is the drugs. They currently have me on Clomid to see how I react to the drug and if it works to induce and strengthen my ovulation. The drug SUCKS. I spent the better part of the past 2 days incredibly nauseous (even vomited once), sore boobs, and the worst part of the side effects, the depression. I’ve been incredibly down and emotional since I’ve started taking it. So, basically, I’ve been trying to avoid people in general to spare my loved ones of my outbursts. Again, is it worth it? Absolutely. If this drug is going to help me have a much wanted baby then it is worth it to me. Starting on Monday, I will start a series of ultrasounds to ensure that my follicles and eggs are developing correctly. We should know within about a week, two at most, if a problem was pinpointed. If nothing on either side? Joe and I just keep baby dancing and praying that we will be blessed with one of these little miracles.
If all this sounds absolutely confusing, well, it is. I had hoped so much I would just be pregnant by now so I wouldn’t have to go through these things. I’ve done a lot of research on the subject of TTC, fertility, infertility, pregnancy… you name it. It has been a tough year for Joe and I. However, I am proud that I have stayed strong and and pushed forward. I’m proud that I tracked down a physician who agrees that it is MY choice to be tested for infertility- never questioning my early miscarriage and being forward in the fact that she’s going to “Get me a baby”. I hope my positive outlook and attitude will serve as some sort of inspiration and comfort to other women who are having trouble conceiving. I want them to know that I understand. I want them to know that I, too, get sick of people saying “Just relax, if you’re not thinking about it, it will happen.” When you’ve made this decision and you’ve been through so much, it is hard not to think about it. Sure, I get sad. My due date would’ve been Monday, November 27th had I carried my baby to term. Instead of having HSG’s I would be breastfeeding and enjoying a beautiful new life. This week has been a tough one. I think my peanut in heaven planned this out for us though. He wanted us to start this testing at this exact time to help us have our baby.
I’m still confident and I’m still hopeful. Let’s be honest though people… If this doesn’t work out for us- is a trip around the world with the man I love such a bad alternative?