Mixed Bag Of Rant

10. The need to barf at any given moment

9. If I were a superhero, my super power would be my sense of smell- I can smell EVERYTHING!!

8. My already giant boobs have grown even bigger and hurt like a mother***ker

7. Murphy’s Law: husband and i only have supplemental Cobra insurance while he changes jobs

6. I could sleep through a tornado

5. No matter how little or how much I drink, I have to pee every five minutes

4. Murphy’s Law: I just spent $180 bucks on a fertility monitor

3. Where did these sudden zits come from??

2. Is it really possible to cry at America’s Next Top Model?

1. My raging bitchniness!!!! Amazingly, my husband has NOT left me yet!!

All joking aside, every one of these symptoms are also symptoms of PMS. I think it is CRUEL that there is no real difinitive proof that you aren’t pregnant up until aunt flo comes to town, and of course for us POAS (pee on a stick) addicts, most of us know that we aren’t several days prior to our visit to surftown. Most likely I am not pregnant. AGAIN. Thus, the $180 worth of fertility monitor equipment. I have no idea if the OV Watch will actually work. Certainly can’t work any worse than the POAS ovulation tests, seeing as I haven’t gotten pregnant using those either. Perhaps I am a pessimist, only thinking the worst will happen. More than anything, I am just hoping that this reverse psychology will cause less disappointment when I get my monthly negative, or when I get my positive I will be that much more thrilled! Time will tell!

A little background about The Last Kiss…

The Last Kiss is a contemporary comedy-drama (in my opinion, more drama than comedy), about life, love, infidelity, forgiveness, marriage, and friendship… and coming to grips with turing 30.

I went to see The Last Kiss with the girls from work for our monthly “Chick Flick Night.” Perhaps it has been the overall mood of the week, but this movie severely depressed me!! I cried nearly the whole movie and wanted to kill Zach Braff’s character for being such a raging idiot and cheating on the woman who is carrying his baby! Yeah, that’s right, he went there! Rachel Bilson, whom he sleeps with, really sort of bugged me. I don’t care for her and not sure I ever will. She plays that slutty college girl that I hate now and hated back in college. The rest of the cast was stellar- Jacinda Barrett was fabulous. Overall, any movie that pulls the emotion out of me like this one did, is a great movie in my book. I wouldn’t recommend it to the single gals out there- it does NOT give a good portrayal of marriage.

Now for of course my personal view and comparison to my own life…

I would absolutely kill my husband if he did what this asshole did in the movie. Now, being the naive little girl I am, I am of course under the assumption that my husband loves me more than life itself and that he would never, but the movie does make you wonder- are you ever truly satisfied with your decisions? If you could’ve done things differently, would you? As for me, sure, I may have a fleeting thought and laugh about an ex, but so what. I chose my man. I chose him, I love him, and I have zero doubts. I wouldn’t change a thing about our life together.

This just cheers me right up!

You’re just going to get a divorce?

As my one year wedding anniversary looms near, I have been taking a look over the past year. There have been mad times, sad times, but overall, mostly happy times. Perhaps this is naive, but I cannot even begin to imagine my life without my husband. He is my everything- my best friend. When I said my vows- for better, for worse- I meant every word.

I bring up divorce because friends of ours, who got married a year before us, are getting divorced- my husband was a groomsman in his wedding. With few signs or signals, he returned home from 2 weeks of fishing to divorce papers. I suppose I perhaps didn’t see this one lasting, but I was constantly surprised by this couple. They were loving with each other and had fun together. What more do you want? They were even planning to start a family this fall.

I guess I just don’t understand, after you take those vows, how it is even possible to walk away. Upon hearing this news, my heart broke for my husband’s friend. He didn’t deserve this- he is a good guy who was very much in love with his wife. Which brings me back to my anniversary- I can’t even begin to imagine what my life would be without Mr. Joe by my side. He’s the yin to my yang… my other half. He’s also quite possibly the only person who even remotely understands me. I could not even begin to imagine what could possibly make me give that up. There isn’t anything. In my naive world, I will be with this man until I’m old and gray and we’ll have had a lovely life together. Love you “Joe”!

Uuuuuugh. Feminist Academic Biatch. Why oh WHY does everything have to be fucking controversial???? Why are there people like this in the world! Ugh! She sucks.

‘Crocodile Hunter’ exploited animals, critic says
Feminist author Greer says ‘It’s no surprise that he came to grief’

Updated: 1 hour, 17 minutes ago

SYDNEY, Australia – Feminist academic Germaine Greer said on Wednesday she hoped the death of Australian “Crocodile Hunter” Steve Irwin would mark the end of what she called exploitative nature documentaries, a discordant note amid floods of tributes.
Irwin died in a freak diving accident off Australia’s northeast coast on Monday after he was hit in the chest by the serrated barb from a stingray’s tail.
Echoing comments she made this week in Britain’s Guardian newspaper, Australian-born Greer likened Irwin to a lion tamer and said he had intruded on the habitats of animals and treated them with “massive insensitivity.”
“It’s no surprise that he came to grief,” Greer told Nine Network television.
“We now have enough respect for lions to be embarrassed if we see someone trying to crack whips at them and wave chairs at them. Jumping all over crocodiles is the same kind of thing.”
‘Exploitation of animals’. Greer, an award-winning author, is a frequent critic of personalities like British soccer star David Beckham and social trends like reality television.
In 2003 she criticized J.R.R. Tolkien’s “Lord of the Rings” trilogy for attracting “spaced-out hippies, environmentalists, free-market libertarians, social conservatives, pacifists, new-age theosophists, sexists and racists the world over.”
Irwin’s death has prompted outpourings of grief and sympathy from around the world, dominating local newspapers and clogging Internet news sites.
His “Crocodile Hunter” documentaries for U.S.-based television company Discovery Channel’s Animal Planet were seen by tens of millions of viewers around the world.
He became famous for flirting with death as he wrestled crocodiles, swam with sharks and handled some of the world’s deadliest snakes and spiders.
Greer said she found the Irwin phenomenon “embarrassing,” although she understood the sadness at his death.
“I’m not saying that’s not sad, I’m saying what might be over now is this kind of exploitation of animals,” Greer said.
“I am sick and tired of programs that tell me that the world is full of wicked, nasty, powerful, deadly creatures. Why does Australia set itself up to be made into this hellhole?” she said.

Here I am with my monthly post! Ahhhh how much happens in one little month.

In August, Mr. Joe and I traveled to the Riviera Maya in Mexico.

I have a few rants… After a perfect honeymoon in Jamaica, I’ll admit, expectations were high. We were treated like royalty as newlyweds and weren’t used to be commoners! The resort, the Iberostar Paraiso Maya was quite grand. So grand in fact it took us almost 25 minutes to make the trek down winding snake-like paths from our suite to the main lobby. There never seemed to be a good lounge chair location, and the beach also required a lengthy hike. The food was just so-so and the fear of Montezuma’s Revenge hung over our heads the entire time. Drinks were poor- they were incredibly watered down- you would think after a bottle of wine, a rum & coke, and 3 margaritas that one might have some semblance of a buzz? Oh no. I turned to Mr. Joe and said “Okay, what next?” If you did happen upon a good drink, it was only because you tipped the waitress or bartender. Uh… isn’t this an ALL-INCLUSIVE??? Geesh. Lastly, and yes, we realized we took this trip in August, but it was unbearably hot. So hot in fact that clothing was nearly pointless (completely pointless for some).

Now for the raves. The resort itself was quite pristine and kept up very well- the pools clean and the grounds spotless. Our suite was AMAZING. We had an enormous bathroom complete with dual sinks and a jacuzzi, a separate lounge area, and a balcony with a hammock. Right outside of our amazing suite was a private pool for the occupants of only our building. Considering the main pool was pretty impossible to be at considering the sheer amount of people at this place, it was nice to have this alternative. The french restaurant was the best meal we had- we went just the two of us and had the royal treatment. The flight- we were offered first class flights home! What could be better? Of course, the best part, we had the opportunity to share in the wedding of one of my husband’s oldest friends. It was one of the more beautiful weddings I have ever experienced and would strongly recommend a destination wedding over a traditional one. Here is a photo:

On a very sad note, my beloved Crocodile Hunter has died. Not only was this guy a seriously brilliant person, but he was hysterical. If I ever needed a cheering up, I would turn on the Crocodile Hunter and there he was: Steve Irwin as one with some of the most feared creatures on earth talking in that goofy accent. This man was amazing and the world should mourn this loss. RIP Steve Irwin. RIP. A tribute: