Mixed Bag Of Rant

In the midst of the winter that will never end, I admit, my attitude sucks. I’m tired of the cold. Tired of snow. I’m DONE!!

Over the weekend, among the many discussions with my husband, one of them was about the threats coming from North Korea. I’m not sure if it is because we just celebrated Easter and I’m feeling completely rejuvenated in my faith or if it is just the overall positive turn that my life has taken, but it’s strange. I’m not afraid. Sad, maybe. But not afraid. I have had to ask myself a lot of questions over the past month, but most importantly, can I look back on my life overall and say, “I’ve done good.”?

Yes, I believe I can.

While I can’t say I have been a perfect, moral person by any stretch of the imagination (and if you go back to my college days you will need to stretch very far to find a decent, moral human in me), I feel amazing about the life I have lived and will continue to live. Sure, I need daily reminders every day to take deep breaths and not let too many things get to me.

Our lives have become all about being positive about everything. I have to tell you… it is kind of exhausting. There are SO many things that can weigh me down. Things like not running fast enough. The number on the scale that is perpetually stuck no matter what I do. My JOB and the sheer amount of work on my plate right now is downright daunting and scary- I worry that I can’t hack it. Fucking infertility- you have no idea how hard National Siblings Day was. Not because I don’t love my own siblings- I am blessed as hell to have amazing sisters and a brother in-law to add to that list- but because Jack’s school had families sending in photos of their kids’ sibling interaction. There are no words to describe my heartbreak. I hate that I cannot give my son a brother or sister. I want so much to be at peace with my infertility, but it just weighs on me. To top it off, I sometimes have just that overall feeling that something might be missing in my life and for some reason it makes me feel sad.

There are a lot of things that help. The humor feed on Pinterest is a good example (there are no shortages of Grumpy Cat memes). But, one thing that has helped me remember to stay positive is the new app- Happier. At first, I thought it was just another Instagram type thing. Take a picture and share it with the world. Meh. Then I realized what it was all about. I have my app set up to remind me 3 times a day to record a happy moment. I can choose whether not to include a picture or to share it. Or, I can keep it as a private moment just for me. Regardless of if I have even had a happy moment at any point, it REMINDS me to say positive. It helps me reflect and think about what I can be doing better. It reminds me to count my blessings. I absolutely love it and wish more people would start using it! Here are 3 happy moments from this week:

A good hair day today which is good because I’m excited for happy hour with my ladies tonight!

My sweet dog who sat next to me all day yesterday when I worked from home.

Daddy teaching our boy how to bowl. Could you die? Sweetest moment ever.

So, after all is said and done… I am, as usual, a work in progress. I keep striving to be the best me I can be. Sometimes you need just a little extra nudge!

Another App that I have now fully embraced is Spotify. My Running/Workout Playlist? Amazing. I love it. If you have Spotify, these are currently my two jams that absolutely make me smile and do some serious cubical/car dancing.

Pitbull, Feel This Moment
Macklemore & Ryan Lewis, Thrift Shop

And for those of you who want my whole workout playlist, here it is- follow me! I make updates to it very frequently:

Workout – Running

What are YOU going to do to make it a positive and happy day? 

I know, I know… if you are in Minnesota, you looked outside the window this morning and saw fricking snowflakes. What the what? And here I am telling you to make it a great week?

That’s right! No more Debbie Downer. No more Negative Nelly. My husband teased me the other day about my negative attitude lately. I didn’t even realize how negative my thoughts and words were becoming. I’m kicking Debbie and Nelly to the curb. 

I’m going to make it a great week. 

Last night as we were watching the storms roll in and the rain pour down, my 3.5 year old was so sad. He said, “Oh man. Now I’ll never get to play outside again.” My husband told him that there might be snow on the ground when he wakes up. Jack’s eyes lit up and speaking very fast he said, “So we can go get a sled and go sledding? YAY!” Not wanting to ruin his enthusiasm, we told him if there was a lot of snow on the ground, we would go sledding. Who am I to take that twinkle out of his eye?

So yes, the weather is crap, but remember, this is Minnesota. It could be 70 degrees and sunny by the end of the week.

Look on the bright side. Make it a great week. 

I am happy to say that I lost 2 pounds this week after a lot of hard work. When you cheat as I did so gloriously on Easter Sunday, it is so hard to get back on that wagon and last week I worked hard to stay completely on plan. I am also happy to report that I finally broke the 160 pound mark (barely) at 159.5 lbs, I am just 9.5 pounds to goal. Single digits. Surreal. No lie, I never thought I would make it this close. I just didn’t think it was possible. That light at the end of the tunnel is shining brighter than I ever imagined.

Last Year’s 5K- 194 lbs

It is race week for me- I am running the Earth Day 5K in St. Cloud, MN with a good friend this Friday evening. Not only am I excited to spend time with her and her family, I have been working towards this goal for a long time and am excited to see how I’ll do. I am even more excited that my husband and son will be at the finish line cheering me on (it rained last year so he had the little one in the car most of the time- I literally crossed the finish line and jumped into the car). It means everything to me to have my husband’s support- I have worked insanely hard for this and NEED him at my side. The picture here is from the 5K I ran last May. Yes, I will post new ones after Friday’s race so you’ll get a little sneak peak at some pretty crazy before and after of my Medifast body transformation. After this race, I will be taking time off from the running craze. My Medifast counselor (also a personal trainer) told me that to finish my weight loss, I am going to need to start doing some cross training as the running is burning calories, but not burning fat so we need to switch it up and “trick” my body a little bit. I am actually excited about it. As much as I have enjoyed running, especially since there is always a specific goal (i.e. run faster, build endurance), I have found myself dreading it a little bit and that is no good for me in the long term so it is most definitely time to make a change. Since I am quite close to goal, it is time to start planning for my transition and maintenance. During transition I’ll still be mostly eating Medifast but adding in things like dairy, fruits and whole grains. Maintenance is the challenge. Going back to real food I plan to track using Myfitnesspal.com (which also has a pretty dope iPad/iPhone app). In order to maintain, I will need to track for the rest of my life. Seriously. Sounds crazy but there is NO WAY I am going to regain the weight. Not this time.

Medifast has asked me to write a testimonial about my experience and I am THRILLED to do so. Look for my testimonial post to come in the next few weeks as I close in on my goal weight.

Another motivator (and major adrenaline rush) for me this week is that I have a job interview for a GREAT opportunity that is a perfect fit for my skills and aligns with my overall career goals. I am really fired up about it and positive that this is the one I will get. No Debbie Downer Negative Nelly self-deprecating talk here. This is mine for the taking. Send me your positive vibes so I can ROCK this interview and start a new chapter in my life. The timing is quite perfect don’t you think?

I feel motivated. Powerful. BRING IT ON!

How are you going to make it a great week?