Mixed Bag Of Rant

One of the things about pregnancy that continually takes me by surprise are my emotions.

Pregnancy has made me a total, scary lunatic. This is beyond feeling physically like I have a hangover every single day. I’m all over the place and my pregnant rages can strike at any moment.

Here are a couple of subjects and situations that have gotten my blood boiling:

The Kindergarten Birthday Date Cutoff BS 
One of the age old debates that I have been dealing with is my son’s September 11 birthday. If you have never had a child in September, then you’ll never have to understand what I’m talking about. I’m talking about the dumb date cutoff for Kindergarten being a “strict September 1.” So you are telling me that a child who was born maybe weeks prior to my son is more developmentally, socially and academically ready for Kindergarten? Why the “strict” cutoff date? He had to go through testing (seriously, the kid is reading and doing math at a 2nd grade level) and certainly has the ability to control himself in the classroom. Basically I think the date cutoff is the dumbest thing ever.

I’ve said a million times over that I love (LOVE) my son’s school. We have been there for 5 years since he was a wee 3 month old and even though we have never been named the family of the month (seriously… how does one achieve that level? I’m not sure), we truly believe in the curriculum. We have never felt like my son was “overexposed” to education at an early age. He’s always had fun at daycare without having education shoved down his throat. We chose to keep him in at this school for their private Kindergarten program. He adores his teacher and is rocking the program right now. We couldn’t be more proud of him! We don’t regret for a second the move to Kindergarten even though he is a whopping 11 days past the cutoff date. We intend at this point to continue moving him into 1st grade next year despite many parents who are having their children repeat Kindergarten who are in the same situation as Jack is with the age cutoff. Sure, he won’t be in the same class as many of the other kids he’s known for years, but if there is anything we know about our son, it is that he can hold his own.

Please stop this mad debate! You worry about your child. I’ll worry about mine. Ok? Thanks.

The Blood Pressure Raising Email
In the early evening on Sunday, I received an email from my son’s school’s owner (actually signed, “The Management Team”) that inspired an anxiety so deeply in me that I pretty much tossed and turned all night because of it.

It appeared to be a blanket email to all Kindergarten parents (however… it did look like it was sent specifically to me). It basically said that if your child is not part of the before and after school program that you are NOT to drop off before 9:00 am or keep your child there later than 3:30 pm.

It immediately triggered a fear deep in me… did we mistakenly register him wrong? What if he isn’t part of the before and after program? What if we try to get him in and there is no room for him? What will we do?? WHAT WHAT WHAT???!

I was ready for battle. We’ve had our child at this school for almost 5 years now with basically the same drop off and pick up time (that we have to enter electronically every time we drop him off and pick him up). Why would this have changed just because he started Kindergarten?

I put my husband on “Find out what the hell this is all about” duty. Turns out there were 2 other parents waiting in line with the same question for the school director. She basically said “You’re fine. You’re fine. And you’re fine. You shouldn’t have received this email.”

Awesome.

For the love of all things holy. I know these are new owners and I am trying desperately to cut them a break. If my husband hadn’t dealt with it, I would have gone all pregnant crazy woman on their asses. I hope there was a valuable lesson here? Don’t send out blanket emails unless it applies to EVERYONE.

*phew*

So, Yes. I am Crazy. Be Careful
As my poor, darling, wonderful husband has learned, there is no way to know when my pregnant crazy will rear its ugly head. Some suggestions…

• Do things for me without having to be told. Chances are if I have to tell you, it isn’t going to be pretty. 
• When I say, “Ugh. I’ve gained so much weight thanks to all this constipation, gas and bloat.” You do NOT say under any circumstances “Yeah, I thought you looked a little puffy.” True STORY. Simply tell me I look glowing and beautiful. Period. 
• If you cut me off when I’m driving? You will be honked at, screamed at, flipped off, cursed at… etc etc. If my darling newborn doesn’t come out saying the word “fuck” I will be shocked. 
• If you park so close to me that I can’t get out of my car, you will get a nasty gram (one of the pleasures of working Downtown). 
• If you criticize my daughter’s beautiful, chosen name Mackenzie I will likely disown you and rip you a new one.
• Do not touch the belly unless I physically place your hand on it myself. 
• If you witness me dropping something, please, PLEASE just help me pick it up instead of watching the hilarity that my attempting to bend over is. 
• Just because I bitch about how much being pregnant sucks doesn’t mean I do not feel overwhelmingly blessed and grateful for the insane miracle growing inside me. If you insinuate otherwise, I will destroy you with my evil glare. 
• I cannot walk fast. Skyway and escalator tailgaters beware (and I’m talking to the jerk who had to RUN down past me and was still waiting at the elevators when I walked up 30 seconds later). If you want to understand why I can’t speed up or run stairs, simply take a baseball bat with a blowtorch attached to it and hit yourself in the crotch over and over. You could also toss a bowling ball in your shirt and carry that around for awhile. That is what it feels like for me. As my husband learned, I got all PDA with him and took his arm in public *gasp* (he loathes PDA). I did this so he would walk WITH me and not 20 feet in front of me. Because, you know, walking 20 feet in front of your date and not together is super romantic anyway. 

I think it is important to note that while most of the above will trigger massive pregnancy rants and rage, I may also break down and cry because of any of them as well.

Your best bet is to just say “I’m sorry” and give me a hug. And probably a tissue. And slowly step away.

27 Weeks! 
So although I’m not “technically” in my 3rd trimester, given the very real possibility of an earlier birth, I feel like I am there already. I am BEYOND excited that I could be meeting my daughter in about 10 weeks!

I have acquired some new, fun symptoms this past week- leg cramps, braxton hicks and hot flashes. The leg cramps come without warning and I’m pretty sure the first time it happened and I screamed out in agony so loudly that I freaked out my husband. The hot flashes come without warning and a bottle of ice water is always on standby. Not that anyone in my house is complaining, but the AC is still going full blast despite the fallish-like weather. The braxton hicks of course freak me out a little. They are weird and uncomfortable. Not painful. I might have a couple a day, more if I don’t stay hydrated. I also think my skin sensitivities have multiplied- if any fake jewelry or metal touches my skin, I will most definitely break out. So much for the super sized fake wedding ring I bought myself. Is the green finger and bubbled up rash a giveaway that this thing is not real?

Thankfully, despite my growing belly, my weight seems to have steadied off (for now). I’m seriously trying not to worry about it anymore. My SPD (symphysis pubic disfunction- which means that the hormone relaxin which makes a preggo woman’s ligaments stretchy works a little bit too well causing imbalance and a shit ton of pain) seems to be okay for now; however, I’m sure the pain will start to increase in the weeks to come. I seem to feel better the more I move around, so I make a very valiant effort to get up and away from my desk at least once an hour (which usually isn’t hard given my bladder implications).

Jackson finally SAW the baby move for the first time- I don’t think Mackenzie cares too much for her big brother trying to snuggle with her mama. I seriously thought that foot was going to come out of my belly- biggest kick I have seen and felt yet. Jackson thought it was the most hilarious thing ever.

Being Wednesday and traditionally hump day, I am declaring it BUMP day for me! I have recruited my dear husband to take my professional maternity photos. I did not do this with Jackson and always kind of regretted it. As soon as I have them, I will post them! For now, it will have to be hideous bathroom selfies.

27 Week Belly Pic

Baby Mackenzie

Interesting that last week’s size comparison was a head of lettuce… which I feel is bigger than a rutabaga? Maybe I just don’t know my rutabagas very well?

Jackson
He might be a big, tough 5 year old now, but he still loves to snuggle with his mama before bedtime every night. Best. Part. Of. My. Day.

PRINCESS!!!!

PROUD Big Brother Jack

The only time I will let anyone see her goodies. Ever.

My princess

The long awaited day in my pregnancy finally arrived. The day we found out if Jackson will have a brother or a sister. The day where we either run to the store to pick up a bucket of pink paint or break out the crib bedding we used for Jack. The day that we can finally start giving this baby an identity rather than calling it “it”. While I lovingly referred to baby as Nugget in the beginning, the nickname didn’t stick and I long to be able to refer to it by the name we have chosen. We have chosen a name which will be revealed when she makes her glorious appearance into the world this December. I will tell you our number 2 & 3 girl names that got cut in the final hour: Kate (Katie) Marie and Alexandra Marie.

Thankfully, the VERY first question from our ultrasound tech was, “Do you want to know the gender?” We replied with a resounding “YES!!!” Without a bit of hesitation, she typed G-I-R-L on the screen and said, “It’s a girl!” Both my husband and I got pretty misty (okay, he may be have been misty, I was outright crying). All along, everyone kept asking me if I would “prefer” a boy or a girl and my answer was always, “Healthy. Doesn’t matter either way.” Deep down, I wanted a girl; however, I didn’t want to be disappointed either. Certain that it would be a boy in my very male genetically dominated family, I got myself pumped up for hearing the words, “It’s a boy!” We even picked out his name, Noah Andrew. I was so certain in fact that I stopped fantasizing about a girl altogether and starting getting really excited about it being a boy. So when I heard that word, GIRL, I was legitimately shocked. Of course in the best way possible. It’s a total dream come true. For my parents too- this is their first granddaughter. They have 4 grandsons.

I am thankfully halfway through my pregnancy and so anxious and excited for this little girl to be here and in our lives. I’m so ready for her. I have heard the rumors that baby #2 is a difficult transition. While I have no doubt going back to being up all night and changing diapers will be horrifically exhausting, I just feel more prepared to deal with it this time around. There are no surprises. There is nothing planned in December other than to simply have this baby (yes, I plan to do all of my Christmas shopping online this year not to mention buy a LOT of gift bags as opposed to wrapping all of those fucking presents). I felt like when I was pregnant with Jack that I had absolutely no idea what was really going to happen. No preconceived notion about what having a baby would actually be like. I was honestly clueless. I don’t expect to be the baby whisperer now that I have had some experience, but at the very least, I have some expectations going into it and some knowledge about what I need to do this time around.

Now that I know I am having a girl, soooooo many things in my pregnancy have become apparent. For example, the relentless morning sickness that I am pretty sure won’t go away until she makes her debut. The other part? Holy shit, the emotional roller coaster. It HAS to be the whole female growing in my body thing but I have been an absolute disaster this pregnancy. This week has been probably the worse week ever. My husband went on his annual fishing trip with the boys for the week. Now, normally, I wouldn’t have cared but let’s face it. I’m pregnant. Sick. Exhausted. My 5 year old is hella high maintenance. Please don’t judge me when I pull out the babysitter otherwise known as “Wii U”. Top it off with work stress. My company had a HUGE website launch, one that I will be pretty much owning from a content marketing perspective going forward, and it has been a complete and utter disaster. It failed on a disastrous level and any moment that I have not been catering to my son or sitting in traffic has been spent working. Even sleep has become secondary. It’s only Tuesday and I am just completely DONE with this week. I need a hug. Or perhaps a spa day.

Next year that trip WILL become a father-son fishing trip.

Here is me last week at 19 weeks. Wearing pink in honor of my baby girl of course.

This pregnancy has seriously made me feel bi-polar. I have really high highs and really low lows. It seems just about anything will make me cry- even the happy stuff. I feel… a little cray cray. Don’t get me wrong here- I am beyond elated about this baby. However, regardless of how fantastic and wonderful it all is, it is still a massive life shift. I went from very honestly being at peace with our little family. Planning vacations. Planning to run a half marathon. It took a lot out of me to put the breaks on everything we were planning. I feel kind of bad saying that, but it’s the truth.

I also feel out of the loop. I know my friends understand. I haven’t been well for my entire first trimester. I haven’t made that a secret. I just feel sad… sad that I have to turn things down. Sad that I don’t have the energy or the will to spend time with them. On the same token, many of them haven’t made the effort to come to me either. It sort of made me realize what a giver I have been all along and how little I ask for in return.

It just seems as though my emotions are magnified by 110%. The things I miss… I often miss them to the point of heartache. These things range from old friends to running to even having a beer on a hot summer night. They are all kind of silly things to miss, I know this.

I am amazed at how quickly I can fly off the handle. My husband finds this hilarious. Probably my best rage to date was sitting down for a family lunch at Buffalo Wild Wings to not ever be waited on. 15 minutes. No server. No nothing. Nobody even looked our way. Telling someone was not an option. We were all miserable being in this busy place. As we were leaving, the hostess cheerily said, “Thanks so much for coming, have a great day!” To which I replied in anger, “It would have been a great day had someone actually waited on us.” We proceeded to Applebees where we were happily greeted, seated and served within less than 5 minutes. Fail BWW. Fail. And we loved you so much.

I have had a number of discussions with my husband about trying to deflect PPD this time around. I have to chuckle, because he talks as though it is mind over matter. It is so much more than that and virtually uncontrollable. Just like my pregnancy emotions. The hormonal response to pregnancy, birth and everything thereafter is crazy and believe me, I wish I had more control over it.

All I can do is apologize in advance and just remind everyone that comes in my path: I mean no harm.

At 15 weeks I have still had some bouts with some debilitating nausea. However, I have noticed that it seems to be driven by either heartburn or acid reflux (or both?). The good news, is that by controlling the heartburn, I can control the nausea. Food still tastes gross or at least, not exactly right. This is all food. How I have managed to gain 9 pounds to this point is kind of a mystery as my consumption has been WAY down in the last couple weeks. I have worked really hard to change some of my 1st trimester habits (even though I still don’t feel good) and take healthier snacks with me to work such as fruit, cheese and granola bars as opposed to a bag of chips. With 25 weeks to go, I am technically only allowed to gain 15 more pounds, so I need to watch it. I am also working on making nightly walks a priority. They don’t need to be far or fast, they just need to happen. I’m starting to feel the strains RLP (round ligament pain) as my uterus starts to grow and make room for baby and I’m not going to lie, it hurts. I have a feeling sciatic pain is coming too as my butt and legs are hurting after camping out at my desk all day- it is getting more and more important to move around.

Most importantly, I am excited. I look pregnant (currently in a cute little belly way). I was told by my intern that I looked glowing and beautiful (brownie points???). I always wondered if I had the “glow” and often wondered what the hell that actually means, but I’ve been complimented a lot lately so maybe there is something to it? Even my sweet Jackson told me the other day when I got home, “You look pretty, Mommy.” Aww! I bought baby’s first “item”- a newborn cradle/rocker that will be in our bedroom for the first month (or more..). An issue that we had with Jackson as a newborn is that he hated, and I mean HATED lying on his back. We swaddled him like a little burrito, played cricket sounds, lullabyes… you name it and nothing worked until we let him sleep in his carseat one night. He slept through the night. For like 8 hours. Bliss. I am happy they actually make safer items to reflect that some babies just sleep better with a little elevation- this sleeper is perfect and got awesome reviews. I’m so excited. We are a little less than a month away from finding out if our baby will be wearing blue or pink! I can honestly, HONESTLY say… I will be thrilled no matter what. I love my little boy and having another to love on me? How could I ever be disappointed with that. Probably the biggest milestone yet is the beginning of the flutters!!! By far feeling the baby kick and squirm around is THE BEST part of pregnancy. Therefore we have re-nicknamed our nugget to squirmy.

We are also excited to move Jack to his “big boy room”. Even though it is a little smaller than his original nursery, it will be his. He will get to pick out new paint for the walls, we got him a cool new ceiling fan and he is getting a new twin bed. The room is right across from “his” bathroom (hopefully that means no more bugging us in the middle of the night to use our master bath) and it will be far enough down the hall that he won’t be disturbed by a crying baby (we hope).

So despite all of these crazy hormone swings, I am in a good place.

Here is my 15 week belly:

And here is how big little squirmy is:
My little naval orange!

No I’m not asking how I got pregnant. Pretty sure I got the memo on that.

I’m asking how my sweet baby boy got so big, so quickly! He graduated from Pre-Kindergarten a week and a half ago and oh, the pregnant lady hormones were a flowin’ (a.k.a. I cried a lot). I can hardly believe he will be starting Kindergarten in the fall. It is… surreal.

Walking down the aisle. Cue mommy tears.

Accepting his diploma. More tears.

He posed after getting his diploma. For a long time. Cue laughter. From everyone.

His best friend. They have been in the same class since they were infants.

I’m so proud of him. He has grown up so much, learned so much and is the greatest blessing in my life. I am often overwhelmed by how much I love him. I love being a mommy. I love being his mommy.