Mixed Bag Of Rant

One of the things I said I would never do when I lost all the weight 2 years ago and made goal was that I would never want to go through that again.

Alas… here I am. Square one. Starting Over.

However, it isn’t because I fell off the wagon. I gained weight for the BEST reason ever. I had a baby. Not just any baby, but a miracle baby. One that was never supposed to exist. So, was it worth the extra 50 pounds? A million times yes. I could have been better about my pregnancy weight gain, but honestly, it was the least of my worries.

Now that my princess is here, it is time to get serious about my health again. I am extremely motivated and ready to take it on and get back to the “me” I was a year ago.

1. Diet
After doing some additional research on various programs, I decided to go back to Medifast. It’s a program that I know and understand, plus, I know from 2 years ago that it works. Surprisingly, it doesn’t feel as difficult this time around, and I’m not sure if they made changes, but the food tastes different and better too. So far, I have lost 9 pounds in 5 weeks. Not quite the rapid loss I saw the first time I did this, but the weight is coming off. Despite the slowness being a frustration, I’m sure it is better that it is slow anyway and I’m okay with that.

2. Monitoring
I decided that it was time to take a closer look at my activity level. While maternity leave may not be the best time to get a lot of activity, I am looking at it a bit like a baseline. I chose to buy the Fitbit Force as I like that it has a display directly on the device to see my progress. I also really like the Fitbit website and app- the dashboard gives me a great overview of my day and I like that I can personalize my goals. So if you have a Fitbit, look me up!!!

3. Exercise
Of course, no weight loss program is complete without an exercise plan. Without question, I will resume my running. I have also started using a program called DailyBurn and I LOVE IT. DailyBurn provides workouts via website streaming- it’s like having a Group Fitness class right in your house. There are a number of different programs from Yoga to an Insanity-like program called Inferno. Since I will be getting my cardio via running (currently on my treadmill) so I have been using DailyBurn for toning. In addition, I have chosen to do the Jillian Michael’s Ripped in 30 before heading back to the office in a month. So here it is, my starting photo (may also serve as my “before” picture):

I can honestly say that that worst part about all of this is just getting started. Taking the first step truly IS the hardest. Medifast isn’t easy by any means, but certainly doable. The exercise? The sheer and utter soreness that I am experiencing is a reminder that I do NOT want to start over again.

The part that I’m most sad about is the running. I worked and trained so hard for 2 years and I am literally starting from day 1. My endurance is terrible. I am slow. It hurts. I won’t let it stop me though! My first race of 2014 will be the Earth Day 5k followed a week later by the Get in Gear 5k. I am also planning to run the Esprit de She, Electric Run and the pinnacle of my racing this year will be the Women Rock 10K.

The one good thing about starting over is that you get a fresh slate to right the wrongs and habits from before. Sure, there are different challenges that present themselves, but I feel good and positive that the changes I make now will be for a lifetime.

This WILL be the last time I have to lose weight.

I know… I know… I am very behind. I really wanted to share my results with all of you because it really is kind of cool and I am proud of what I was able to accomplish!

One month ago, I started the 30 Day Shred.

Today. I finished. (Okay… I finished several weeks ago… but I suck that much at blogging right now)

Here are some before and after photos:

BEFORE:

AFTER:

Here are my thoughts on the Shred…

1) How do I feel about my results? Pretty good. I didn’t lose weight while doing the Shred, but I gained some mad lean muscle mass. I am most definitely stronger today than I was on day one.

2) Can I see the difference? You be the judge. While I’m not exactly rocking Jillian’s abs, I can see that I have toned up in my core, arms and booty and I am very happy with that.

3) Morning Workouts. They still suck. I’m still a total zombie in the morning. Sore all day. BUT… here it comes… I was surprisingly waking up before my alarm would even go off. I only missed getting up maybe 3 weekdays and of course did the Shred at night to make up for not getting up. But just 3 missed mornings? Not bad for a non-morning person!

4) The Shred has helped me KILL my run times. I went from a pace of 11:15 per mile to 10:09. An entire MINUTE. That is insane. Most of the Shred focuses a great deal on core work- I’m a firm believer this is what helped speed up my pace.

5) I’m so happy with the results that I plan to do yet another round of Jillian following my Get Lucky 7K Race tomorrow- I will be doing her Ripped in 30 program.

6) I posted pictures of myself in a sports bra. Holy shit!

I will continue look for activities and ideas to continue being inspired and motivated.

Tell me: what motivates you? 

We are now 3 weeks into the new year and I am struggling with my holiday weight gain and learning some valuable lessons in the process.

For some reason, when I went ballistic over the holidays with my eating, I didn’t think it would be a big deal. 5 pounds? So what! I can lose that in a jiffy. Oh MY GOD. I was so wrong. As a matter of fact, despite my best efforts (seriously), I have even creeped up yet another couple pounds. I have no idea what I’m doing wrong.

It’s not even so much the extra pounds… my clothes still fit okay (not great) and I’ve been working out like mad as I train for my 7K in March. It’s the creeping up of the scale that has me concerned as well as old habits that are creeping back in. I’m a carb junkie. I fucking love bread and sugar- it amazes me the excuses I make with myself to have them.

Issue #1: I have a very difficult time controlling my cravings. While some of my cravings may be physical in nature, 90% of it is mental. Those of you on a weight loss plan or those who have food drama issues- do you ever find yourself having conversations in your head about your choices? Mine go like this:

“Oh, I’m just having one piece of candy, it’s no big deal.”

“I’m going to run like an animal for 45 minutes tonight. I can eat a big lunch.”

“Nobody is looking. Quick. Grab another piece of chocolate!”

What. The. Hell. I have to break this cycle. I have to stop cheating. I have to stop this unhealthy behavior.

Issue #2: Crutches. Medifast is now a crutch. My first instinct when I fell outside of my acceptable weight range was to run back and start the 5 & 1 program again. Yes, they were the catalyst that allowed me to lose an excessive amount of weight and for that I am grateful; however, I cannot keep running back to Medifast because I can’t control my eating outside of their program.

I MUST DO THIS with real food. I must learn how to eat. I must learn how to control what I eat. I must remain in the mindset that this is a lifelong commitment and I must not fall into old habits.

MY HEALTHY RESOLVE

Diet/Nutrition: 
I am a WeightWatchers Online member and I made the decision to make that a part of my healthy living commitment once I reached goal. Overall, it is basically the same concept as Medifast maintenance. But tracking my food can’t just be something I do every once in awhile. I NEED to track every single day. I need to hold myself accountable for what I am putting in my mouth. I have zero self-control so this is a necessary part of my weight maintenance. Let me tell you folks: maintaining my weight has proven to be MUCH HARDER than losing it. I have been working very hard over the last week to pay attention to my hunger cues and recognize when and why I am eating. I have been doing a lot of journaling. My habits have been VERY eye opening.

Exercise: 
While I continue to train for my running adventures in 2013 (currently training for the Get Lucky 7K on March 16 and planning to do the Women Rock 10K in August), it has become apparent that I need to start strength training/toning. My husband and I have been eyeing up the X91 Incline Fitness Trainer from Nordic Track- I cannot even TELL you how much this thing would improve my winter running training!! I have also decided to try the 30 Day Shred to see if that can help buff me up. Yes. I will take before and after pictures!! It’s tough- I sometimes feel very physically wiped out after my runs, so incorporating strength is going to be a challenge. You know what though? I’m proud. Exercise has been a top priority in my life over the last year and I have done a great job of sticking with a regular routine.

Motivation: 
My bestie and I just booked our calendars in July for a grown up girlfriend getaway to the Wisconsin Dells! There will be a pool. I will need to wear a swimsuit. In front of other humans. Motivation enough? I think so.

I am also having a relatively major surgery in the next few months with my impending partial hysterectomy. I need to be healthy so I can recover quickly. I don’t want my recovery to be as long and arduous as the last surgery I had. I can’t tell you how ready I am to get this over with so I can just move on with my life.

Self-Confidence:
Even though I have found a very happy place within myself the last couple months, I found that it takes a lot to keep myself there. I get easily derailed. I have a difficult time trusting myself and others with my very delicate heart. When my confidence gets wounded, I fall off the track (ahem… emotional eating much?). I need to be forward about my needs and expectations with those I am closest. I need to be firm with myself about who I am. I need to rid my life of things that hurt or bring me down. Go back to my old mantra: Give it up when it stops being fun. However, that is much easier said than done as I prefer to put bandaids on things to try and make them better rather than throwing them out altogether (I AM a mom you know!). I have been struggling in this area and it is now time for me to put on my big girl pants and be the best me I can be without the crutch of other people. I’ve got this.

All of this said, I am committed and ready for a healthy 2013!!! Bring it on!!

First of all… I am a NaBloPoMo failure. I really love the concept of having preset topics to write about for an entire month; however, I also hated it. I kind of felt like I was forcing myself to write about things that maybe I didn’t have the most passion for not to mention, I simply lack the time to post every day. I do appreciate the topic of the month though: Energy. I’m going to talk a little bit about that today.

Skating after 17 yrs. Ouch.

Skating on our pond

Winter in Minnesota is both awesome and awful all at the same time. I love it because I get to wear cozy sweaters, cute jeans and get all bundled up by the fireplace. I love skating, skiing and have a 4 year old who loves nothing more than to play in the snow. I also hate it because around mid-January, I get the blues. There is an actual disorder for it- Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) and I get bombarded by it every year without fail. These are the symptoms:

• Depression
• Hopelessness
• Anxiety
• Loss of energy
• Heavy, “leaden” feeling in the arms or legs
• Social withdrawal
• Oversleeping
• Loss of interest in activities you once enjoyed
• Appetite changes, especially a craving for foods high in carbohydrates
• Weight gain
• Difficulty concentrating

No matter how hard I try to tell myself that it’s not happening, it always does. I get most of these symptoms to varying degrees. It sucks. Not just for me, but for everyone around me who has to deal with me acting this way. It doesn’t take much to knock me off my game so friends and family… you have been warned. I rarely realize the effect of my words and actions until I look at the aftermath and have to clean it all up.

Warm, Cozy Sweaters

There are ways to combat it. Meds. Exercise. Winter vacations. I won’t do meds other than your typical vitamins, I exercise, but it usually does not suffice and winter vacations have just never ended up on our agenda. Rag on me all you like, but I combat it by doing about 10 sessions in a tanning booth over about a 3 week period. Now, I’m not a year round tanner, so I feel like I can get away with it even just for a short time. Frankly, it is wonderful. It is warm, relaxing (albeit slightly claustrophobic) and it gives me just the slightest healthy glow to my winter white pale skin.

Cozy blankets & kids

My 7 & 10K training has also helped significantly this year. Instead of turning to the carbs as I normally would, I have been jumping on the treadmill to punch out my training. I am using Active.com’s 5K to 10K training app and it is a fantastic challenge that has really brought me to the next level. I hate that I have to be on a treadmill, but hey, it’s MN. My options are limited and I am definitely not a cold weather runner. I think it has been good for me to have a fitness goal during this time of year- it helps to keep me focused. My most recent accomplishment is running 4.2 miles in 45 minutes (which included a 5 minute walking warmup and 5 minute cool down)- my goal for the 7K (4.4 miles) is 45 minutes so I still have some work to do. I really do think this training app will help to get me there. Running really helps me work out my frustrations not to mention helps me gain clarity and focus. I have to be focused when I am running otherwise my form gets lazy and I get side cramps. No thank you. When I am running, it is just me and the road (or on the treadmill, the road in my imagination). Nothing else matters. Nothing else exists. Just the end goal. Get there. Get there fast. It is awesome.

Nothing is fool proof in battling my SAD. I can do all of these things and still wind up not coming out of the fog until springtime arrives. I don’t want SAD to seem like an excuse for my erratic behavior, but more like an explanation. It helps me understand too how I can be on top of the world and then so quickly bottom out. I will continue to try and recognize when SAD is about to get the best of me, but if one of those moments is missed, I guess I will just have to do my best to pick up the pieces.

TODAY’S TOPIC: 
What is your favorite way to recharge when you feel drained of energy?

Being a mom, I am pretty much always drained of energy both emotionally and physically. It has been important for me over the last four years to find many outlets as ways to recharge my batteries and keep myself energized. I need to do this not just for me, but for my son so I can be a better mom, for my job so I can be a stronger employee and for my husband so I can be a good wife.

Coffee. Yum!

1. COFFEE
Okay. Perhaps this isn’t the best outlet, but I freaking love my coffee in the morning in a can’t live without it sort of way. So, today, when I spilled it all over just as I was walking out the door? Not cool. I love my morning cup of Joe. It’s delicious and it warms me up. I’m not one of those people who slugs it down all day long. Just one simple mug in the morning and I am recharged.

Post Run- Runner’s High

2. RUNNING
Maybe some people get tired from their workouts, but for me, it is my greatest source of recharge. After a month of walking pneumonia, I was finally able to start training for the 7K I am running in March. Can you say runner’s high? I was amped up all night last night! The runner’s high is one of the reasons I have become so addicted to running. When I was overweight, I use to roll my eyes at the people who would say, “I get energized when I workout!” Liars! Then my body got used it it, and then my body started liking it and THEN? My body now needs it. When I was sick, I was really surprised at how much I was missing being able to run and workout. It’s real, people! Teach your body to want to exercise and you will gain so much from it!

Secret healthy snack stash

3. CHOOSING HEALTHY SNACKS
Truthfully, I really suck at this one. It is one of the things I have long struggled with; however the influence of Medifast has actually helped me a great deal in this department. It is true, that if you pack healthy snacks to bring with you to the office, you will eat them over choosing any other junk that may be laying around. Sometimes this works, sometimes it doesn’t. I do feel much more energized after eating fruits and veggies over a piece of chocolate (even if the chocolate is oh so good!).

My Bestie.

4. FRIENDS
I freaking love my friends. They make me laugh. They lift me up. Whenever I am in need of a little boost, I will send them an email or a text to say hi. Their response never ceases to energize me and add a little excitement to my day. Thank you friends for always being my constant source of entertainment!

Me & My Cute Movie Date

5. BEING MOMMY
Okay. I know that sounds hypocritical. I just said that being a Mom wears my shit out. While as a whole, being a mom is tiring, but spending time with my kid is the best. It is hard not to feel energized around him! He is hilarious, fun and the most energetic 4 year old boy I have ever seen in my life. I have the best time with him.

How do you recharge when you are feeling low on energy? 

Prepare to be shocked.

Exercise makes you feel good!

One of the side effects of my new drugs are headaches. Piercing, mind numbing, bang your head against the wall headaches. Over the weekend, I took a couple days off from running as I was absolutely knocked down by these headaches. Last night I rebelled against them and jumped on the treadmill. It hurt, but I gritted my teeth through the first 10 minutes and low and behold… my headache started to ease. Sure, it may be a coincidence, but it seemed to work. Even if it is a fluke, it sure makes a good excuse to get some exercise in!

Despite my stagnant weight loss, I am PROUD of how much exercise I have been able to do over the past month. Running has helped me ward off illness, build muscle, build endurance (I’m about to start week 5 of Couch to 5K and finding it to be pretty cake), reduce stress and overall feel better. I’ll be picking up my copy of LifeTime Fitness At Home on Wednesday (perfect timing before Thanksgiving!) which features four workouts and nutritional content based on our in-club classes and Healthy Way of Life philosophy. While I am of course enjoying my running program, I would also like to shake it up on off days with these workouts.

I always tend to fall apart in my healthy journey around the holidays. Too much temptation. Too many parties. Too busy to workout. I always throw in the towel and just vow to re-start in the new year.

Not this year.

This is the year the I fight temptation. This is the year I continue to workout instead of quitting.

Are you going to stick to your plan over the holidays or throw in the towel? 

I love today’s WeightWatchers meeting topic:

You’re The Boss of You: It’s your weight-loss journey- take control. 

I’ve had myself a pretty good pity party the last couple of weeks. I have known all along that post surgery, I might run into some weight loss barriers. Specifically, being on hormone therapy. Say it with me: bloating, water weight and by far the worst? The hunger. I haven’t felt hunger like this since I was pregnant (and yes I am aware of all the irony in the fact that my hormone therapy masks pregnancy symptoms even though I can’t get pregnant ever again. Ha ha. Funny joke.).

I needed the kick in the ass I got from my meeting today, confronting my barriers head on. REMINDING myself why I started in the first place.

I realize that my body has and will go through some changes. Let me tell you… this whole hunger thing? Like a bottomless, empty feeling. No matter how much I eat, I still feel as though I’m starving. It is the strangest thing ever. I’m trying to stay on plan choosing fruits and vegetables but I get so hungry and desperate, I just about grab anything that happens to be right there. I have no idea how to make that stop, so I’ve decided this week on plan, I am going to focus on some heavy duty protein. Eggs. Lean meats. Weirdly, the only thing that fills the emptiness in my stomach is Diet Coke.

Another thing I need to start doing is working out. I’ve struggled post-op. While my pain has decreased to next to nothing, the hormonal portion of recovery is doing a number on me. Cramps. Headaches. You name it, I’ve got it. I’d love to power through it, but when you have already been out of the loop, it is hard to get started up again when you feel great let alone crappy. TODAY is a new day though. I need to let go of my running ambition until the spring. It is starting to get dark out too early, the kid has had a horrific time going to bed at night and I am not a fan of the treadmill at this time. I need to be re-inspired. I’m thinking it is time to restart the EA Sports 9 week challenge on the Kinect. Something different and fun and will help build up my strength and endurance.

A point that hit home with me in my WW meeting today:
The Opportunity: It’s hard to stop the cycle of thoughts like “I never” and “I can’t.”
OWN IT: Spin the negative self talk into a positive. Instead of saying “I never” say “I WILL”

I’m going to power through this rough patch. I’m not going to let it be an excuse to fail.