Mixed Bag Of Rant

Now that my maternity leave has officially ended, it is time.

Time to stop making excuses.

TIME TO GET MY GROOVE BACK!

No lie, coming back to work has not been easy. First and foremost, I miss my little girl more than I ever thought possible. In two weeks I already feel like I have missed so much and a measly 3 hours with her at night just doesn’t feel like enough. I remember being sad with Jack, but this time feels very raw. Is it because I’m a seasoned mom and actually ENJOY my baby this time around (PPD free)? Is it because she is my last baby? I guess as I get back into being quite busy at work, I have less time to be sad, but still. I miss her sweet face every day.

I miss her sweet, smiling face every day! (Just over 3 months here)

I tell him every day when I pick him up, “I missed you all day!” And I mean it.

I love that he adores his sister. Seeing them together is everything.

Starting back up at work again is more than just a challenge of the heart though. It is also a challenge to my checkbook. Let’s just say that the cost of daycare is my entire paycheck minus about maybe $100. So yes, I am working to send my kids to daycare. We thought we would get some relief after Jack starts summer camp? No dice. That is even MORE expensive than his Kindergarten program with all their field trips, activities and such. So, for the first time in years… we have to really start watching our pennies. I don’t mean that to be a humble brag- we are just good with our money management and always had money saved up for little luxuries here and there. We are more than grateful that we have never really had to be paycheck to paycheck (not to say that we won’t ever be in that place… we aren’t completely naive). The checkbook drainage was just a bit shocking. What does this mean? A few things are going to have to give. One of them being, I have to say goodbye to Medifast. At $300+ bucks a month, it has to go. I’m nervous about what that will mean for my weight loss nutrition. Medifast WORKS for me (I’ve lost 30 of the 50 lbs I gained in pregnancy in 3 months) but the last 20… Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. I fear trying to do this on my own.

I know the last time I posted I had started the Ripped in 30 program again. Yeah. That. Ha. It lasted about a week. My efforts are not completely lost though. With the help of my now recalled Fitbit Force, I was able to watch my activity levels in conjunction with my food intake. Despite my lack of movement, I have managed to lose 10 pounds in a month. That’s not so bad! I do have Medifast to thank for that but I credit most of it to my rash inducing activity tracker. I have reported/participated in the Fitbit recall and am waiting for my refund check. Once I get it, I’ll be in the market for a new tracker. As much as I want to remain Apple geeky and wait for their smartwatch announcement, I kind of want one now. I have my eye on the Basis– it’s spendy, but techie cool.

The Fitbit Rash. As if this isn’t bad enough, this thing actually got worse. Blistered. Peeling. GROSS. It’s no joke, if you own a Fitbit Force, please be careful.

I have two (cheaper) fitness/nutrition options that I am looking into: DailyBurn has a nutrition program called Ignite that I feel would mimic Medifast nicely. The first 21 days on Ignite are “cleanse” of sorts (aka, eating clean) which is exactly what Medifast does throughout. In order not to quickly gain back after Medifast it is important to wean out of it (which is why completing the program is SO IMPORTANT!). The other is working through a Beachbody Coach and joining her 21 Day Fix Challenge Group. This coach is someone I “know” from an online mommy group that I joined when I was preggo with Jackson 6 years ago (!!!). She has really inspired me not only with her own weight loss story, but her postpartum fitness as well. I really appreciate her passion and they way she cheers on her participants. It would be easy to be intimidated by her because she is GORgeous, but if you read her blog and her posts, you would know that she gets it, is ridiculously passionate and she really keeps it real. She WANTS to help people. However… as much as I adore her, I am a little overwhelmed by the Beachbody thing. I feel like you need to keep buying workout programs (and they aren’t cheap) not to mention the whole Shakeology push (which if I’m going to do this, I may as well stay on Medifast). PLEASE correct me if I’m wrong- I know many out there who follow Beachbody, have coaches, ARE coaches so maybe you can give me your pitch before the month ends?

Importantly- I haven’t stopped running! I am currently training for two 5k’s in April and have my sights set on a 10k by the end of August! Here’s my selfie marking my first official outdoor run of 2014. Come on Spring. GET HERE NOW!

Most importantly, I need to find a way to get back my motivation. Between the exhaustion of being a new mom, going back to work and getting the freaking norovirus which shut me down this week, I am having a tough time. A year ago I was fit, healthy and motivated- I need to find that girl again. I need to find balance between being a mom, my career and taking care of my body and the hardest part? Not feeling guilty.

So, yes. It is TIME for this girl (with the totally new chopped hair)-

to GET HER GROOVE BACK.

I have complained a bit about my holiday weight gain. Yes, it is the end of March and I am still bitching about gaining weight 3 months ago. As someone who has lost a massive amount of weight in the last two years, I will pretty much do anything to keep the weight off. As the scale has slowly moved up over the last 4 months or so, I have been freaking out a little.

When I found out about the DietBet, I thought, what the heck? Make some cash? Maybe this will be a good incentive to try something different to stay motivated. Losing weight is hard for me. It never comes easy and I have a hard time avoiding the things that cause me to gain (i.e. heavy carbs such as bread and rice and of course there is alcohol).

What is DietBet you ask? DietBet is a game where you’ve got 4 weeks to lose 4% of your starting weight. To begin, everyone puts money into the pot. After four weeks, whoever’s hit their 4% goal is a winner and splits the pot.

The game I joined? The pot is over $8,000.

So… yeah, you are basically betting that other people will fail which is kind of sad. How I am I doing with the bet? Well, I hit my 4% last week which is miraculous really; however… based on my alcohol consumption over the weekend (which wasn’t that much and annoys the piss out of me that it caused so much water gain), I am up a couple pounds as of today. I kind of feel like you need to exceed that 4% prior to the game ending so you have a buffer. Honestly, I’m not sure if I will make it.

Regardless of whether or not I make it back down to the 4% goal, it has helped me to refocus and invigorate my desire to maintain a healthy weight and a healthy lifestyle. I have had a number of personal issues weighing heavily (no pun intended) on me the last few weeks and all I have wanted to do was sit around and do nothing. I feel like even my day job work has suffered given the enormity of the distraction taking over all parts of my brain.  The DietBet has been a nice distraction for me.

Usually running is an excellent outlet for me to work out my issues, but I’ve been so blue that I haven’t wanted to do that much either. It really is out of the norm for me to feel this broken! So to help in getting back on track, I’ve put together a running/training schedule to get me pumped and ready for my next 5K on April 27th. I do think that once it actually turns into spring here in Minnesota that my mood will improve drastically. I do NOT enjoy running in the cold and snow so I have been anxious for a warm up. I’m so excited for my ladies running crew- we are kicking things off next week with a happy hour. How fitting! I am also considering my local Life Time Run Club- they do social runs 3 days a week and I think it would be a great way for me to meet other runners as well as push and challenge myself further in my running pursuits.

Here is my inspiration for success:

Crossing the Finish Line: Get Lucky 7K

And of Course…

Love this kid. He makes me want to be the best I can be.

I swear I’m going to make it out of this ridiculously long winter funk!

We are now 3 weeks into the new year and I am struggling with my holiday weight gain and learning some valuable lessons in the process.

For some reason, when I went ballistic over the holidays with my eating, I didn’t think it would be a big deal. 5 pounds? So what! I can lose that in a jiffy. Oh MY GOD. I was so wrong. As a matter of fact, despite my best efforts (seriously), I have even creeped up yet another couple pounds. I have no idea what I’m doing wrong.

It’s not even so much the extra pounds… my clothes still fit okay (not great) and I’ve been working out like mad as I train for my 7K in March. It’s the creeping up of the scale that has me concerned as well as old habits that are creeping back in. I’m a carb junkie. I fucking love bread and sugar- it amazes me the excuses I make with myself to have them.

Issue #1: I have a very difficult time controlling my cravings. While some of my cravings may be physical in nature, 90% of it is mental. Those of you on a weight loss plan or those who have food drama issues- do you ever find yourself having conversations in your head about your choices? Mine go like this:

“Oh, I’m just having one piece of candy, it’s no big deal.”

“I’m going to run like an animal for 45 minutes tonight. I can eat a big lunch.”

“Nobody is looking. Quick. Grab another piece of chocolate!”

What. The. Hell. I have to break this cycle. I have to stop cheating. I have to stop this unhealthy behavior.

Issue #2: Crutches. Medifast is now a crutch. My first instinct when I fell outside of my acceptable weight range was to run back and start the 5 & 1 program again. Yes, they were the catalyst that allowed me to lose an excessive amount of weight and for that I am grateful; however, I cannot keep running back to Medifast because I can’t control my eating outside of their program.

I MUST DO THIS with real food. I must learn how to eat. I must learn how to control what I eat. I must remain in the mindset that this is a lifelong commitment and I must not fall into old habits.

MY HEALTHY RESOLVE

Diet/Nutrition: 
I am a WeightWatchers Online member and I made the decision to make that a part of my healthy living commitment once I reached goal. Overall, it is basically the same concept as Medifast maintenance. But tracking my food can’t just be something I do every once in awhile. I NEED to track every single day. I need to hold myself accountable for what I am putting in my mouth. I have zero self-control so this is a necessary part of my weight maintenance. Let me tell you folks: maintaining my weight has proven to be MUCH HARDER than losing it. I have been working very hard over the last week to pay attention to my hunger cues and recognize when and why I am eating. I have been doing a lot of journaling. My habits have been VERY eye opening.

Exercise: 
While I continue to train for my running adventures in 2013 (currently training for the Get Lucky 7K on March 16 and planning to do the Women Rock 10K in August), it has become apparent that I need to start strength training/toning. My husband and I have been eyeing up the X91 Incline Fitness Trainer from Nordic Track- I cannot even TELL you how much this thing would improve my winter running training!! I have also decided to try the 30 Day Shred to see if that can help buff me up. Yes. I will take before and after pictures!! It’s tough- I sometimes feel very physically wiped out after my runs, so incorporating strength is going to be a challenge. You know what though? I’m proud. Exercise has been a top priority in my life over the last year and I have done a great job of sticking with a regular routine.

Motivation: 
My bestie and I just booked our calendars in July for a grown up girlfriend getaway to the Wisconsin Dells! There will be a pool. I will need to wear a swimsuit. In front of other humans. Motivation enough? I think so.

I am also having a relatively major surgery in the next few months with my impending partial hysterectomy. I need to be healthy so I can recover quickly. I don’t want my recovery to be as long and arduous as the last surgery I had. I can’t tell you how ready I am to get this over with so I can just move on with my life.

Self-Confidence:
Even though I have found a very happy place within myself the last couple months, I found that it takes a lot to keep myself there. I get easily derailed. I have a difficult time trusting myself and others with my very delicate heart. When my confidence gets wounded, I fall off the track (ahem… emotional eating much?). I need to be forward about my needs and expectations with those I am closest. I need to be firm with myself about who I am. I need to rid my life of things that hurt or bring me down. Go back to my old mantra: Give it up when it stops being fun. However, that is much easier said than done as I prefer to put bandaids on things to try and make them better rather than throwing them out altogether (I AM a mom you know!). I have been struggling in this area and it is now time for me to put on my big girl pants and be the best me I can be without the crutch of other people. I’ve got this.

All of this said, I am committed and ready for a healthy 2013!!! Bring it on!!

I took Thursday and Friday off from work last week (which was attached to an automatic Memorial Day holiday day off on Monday). I would recommend to everyone to take time off- especially when you have nothing going on. On Thursday, I went to see my chiropractor (ahhhhh massage and back cracking) and then got a pedicure in the afternoon. The rest of the rainy/stormy day was spent curled up in my recliner catching up on DVR and finishing the ridiculous, poorly written trilogy that is Fifty Shades of Grey.

My Friday was busy. I decided to check out a rare daytime Group Fitness class at Life Time Fitness. I usually take The Mixx class (mix of hi/lo, kickboxing and funk) every other Wednesday night so I figured it was a sure bet that I would enjoy it and get a good workout. It was AWFUL. I am all for instructors motivating their class, but this bitch was a drill sergeant. She was in people’s faces yelling at them to work harder. The music was the loudest I have ever heard at a Group Fitness class and my ears were ringing worse than they did following the Nickelback concert just 36 hours prior. Considering it was a holiday weekend, there were a lot of women like me who showed up on a rare day off and the class was packed. No biggie. If you are an instructor teaching folks you don’t normally teach and not sure of fitness levels, they MUST provide low impact alternatives. She did not do this. I am in fairly good shape now and I could not do half of the drills she was teaching. I left early. I NEVER leave early. I was NOT happy. The rest of the day was better thank god! I got an oil change for my car (which really just meant sitting at Starbucks enjoying a light Mocha Frapp and reading my dirty porn book). I stopped at Target and then the hubs and I went to Cal’s Garden Center to get some new plants for our landscaping project. I was fairly unattached to my technology all weekend and I can’t say I missed it much.

Despite going out to Buffalo Wild Wings for dinner TWO nights in a row and admittedly not making the best choices, I was happy to see a 2 pound loss at my weigh in on Tuesday. Granted it was only 2 of the 2.5 that I had gained the week prior… *sigh*. Here’s the deal though. Now that I am within 4.5 pounds of my goal, I am really feeling like it is just a number. I am starting to feel like, what is the big diff? 4.5 pounds won’t lose me another size. It won’t increase my 5K speed. A part of me feels as though I have already succeeded. Talking with my dad the other day about my success, he asked, “So, you must be around 120 lbs then?” Which of course I LOL’d. He was stunned that I was 154.5 lbs and agreed with Medifast that I do not need to go lower than 150. Hey, if my 150 looks like 120 then I’m not complaining!

One of THE BEST parts of my success is inspiring others to choose a healthy lifestyle. No matter which program, from SparkPeople to WeightWatchers, it equates to healthy CHANGE. I have had several people approach me about Medifast and ask me if I like it and if it works. Look at me! It works! Do I think it is for everyone? Nope. I had a colleague say he just wanted to “do it for a month to drop a few pounds before Cancun”. Whereas I shook my head in agony. Medifast is NOT, I repeat, NOT NOT NOT a lose pounds quick plan. It has taken me 5 MONTHS to lose 34 pounds. Granted everyone is different, but sheesh, if you are going to commit to losing weight, do it all the way. I told him not to bother going to a Medfast Center because they will make you commit to the whole journey (which takes 1+ years to complete), not to mention flushing tons of $$$$$ down the drain if you only want to do “a month”. It just doesn’t work that way.

Look, I have been there. I get it. Over the last decade, but more importantly over the last 3 years, I “re-committed” to weight loss a thousand times over. I look at it similarly to smoking- you’ll never be able to quit until you’re truly committed. Thankfully, an ultimatum from my husband (just a mere boyfriend at the time) told me it was cigarettes or him. Well… we can all guess what happened (pssst… I chose him). It was a good incentive. Just like my endo and my son are my main incentives for my weight loss. But is it enough? What is YOUR incentive? There is no wrong answer here, but the bottom line is: you really have to be committed and ready to change your life. Yes, people, that means forever. That means passing up french fries and chips and opting for fruits and veggies instead. It means putting the Totinos pizza aside and spending the time to make a healthy dinner at night. After 5 months on Medifast, this strange thing happened: I am happy to make the smarter choices when I am out because despite what my head is telling me (have the french fries, they are delicious), my tummy is saying something different (WoW! Those grilled vegetables were awesome). Plus, I get to walk away from dinner with zero regrets. 

My weight loss wasn’t magic. I had to work hard for it and make many sacrifices to my lifestyle. I had to get regular exercise AND change my eating habits. I had to recognize that I do not have the ability to eat whatever I want. I had to make real and lasting changes. I wish I could tell you that it was easy. It’s not. You’re going to struggle. You’ll cheat at some point. If you are committed, you’ll get yourself back up. You’ll make food tracking/journaling a daily habit. You’ll workout a minimum of 3 days a week. I hate to tell you that you will hate a lot of this. I still do. There is a light at the end of the tunnel of hard work. You’ll be able to shop wherever you want. Feel confident. Have more energy. Not worry about fitting into the seats at Target Field. Your significant other will take more notice. Random strangers will take notice (so weird…) and a million other things that make the hard work worth it.  

I freaking love the new me and I am NEVER giving her up. I am committed for a lifetime.

As expected, I did not have a good weigh in today. Not only was it weigh in day, but it was body scan day. Feeling very bloated for the last few days, no thanks to my body’s ever changing cycle confusion, I showed a gain of 2.5. After my huge 3 pound loss last week and getting SO, so close to goal this was a major setback in my book. This frustrates me to no end.

However… there is a bright side. My counselor did chalk it up to water weight/retention. I have had that bloated/gassy feeling the past 3 days (related to my girl parts). Even my body scan showed an increase in water. So with that said, we moved on and talked about the excellent parts of my scan. The one that showed me down 2 pounds since my last scan 3 weeks ago. We also cheered the 2 pounds in additional muscle that I gained. My husband will not be as thrilled but I am down another inch in my chest (I’ve never had small boobs… this is so weird to feel compelled to buy a push up bra), a half inch off my waist and another half inch off my hips. Since starting Medifast, I have lost 18 inches from my body, probably closer to 25 inches since I started my journey a year and a half ago. That is a lot and it is something to be proud of.

What is the lesson for today? Don’t despair and carry on. I’m doing everything right.

I’m excited to have a short work week and intend to make the best of my time off. This week’s goals:
1) WATER WATER WATER. 100oz a day minimum to try and get rid of this bloat. (If you have other suggestions, I’m all ears)
2) Workouts for the week:
     Tuesday Night: Cardio & Full Body Resistance
     Thursday Morning: Cardio & Full Body Resistance
     Friday Morning: The Mixx- Group Fitness
     Saturday Morning: Step- Group Fitness
3) My biggest challenge day is Wednesday as I will be going to the Nickelback concert and will be limited on time to eat. I intend to make solid choices although they may be slightly off plan. I will not stray from the plan the rest of the week. I WILL NOT CHEAT!!

My counselor hit the nail on the head when she said, the closer to goal you get, the harder it is to stay on plan. The most important thing I can do right now to get to that all important 150 pound mark is to stick to and trust the plan. The only thing getting in the way is me. Today alone has required an insane amount of self-motivation to not stray despite the temptations that lurk everywhere in an office environment.

I’m ready to get to goal. Let’s do this thing.

What are your goals for the week? How do you stay motivated to keep them?

Sometimes it is the little things.

Now that I am 36 (oh god… I said it out loud), I no longer have a big whopping party or crazy night out for my birthday. I care very little about getting presents. I enjoy simple, quality time with close friends and family. I confess, I secretly love the barrage of Facebook love not to mention the little birthday deals I get via e-mail from my favorite retailers. I do love that my co-worker got me fun pens, a couple packs of my favorite gum and bright pink nail polish. My husband is taking me out to a nice lunch today which will be a welcome break in a long day. Did I mention I get the house to myself for a whole hour tonight? Yup. Pretty much the best gift ever.

My husband will disagree, but the best part of the day was Jack waking up before before I left for work this morning. He is very much not a morning child so he was crabby, but somehow before I left he stopped crying, gave me a hug and we exchanged the following words:

Me: See you later Jack, I love you!
Jack: Bye, mommy. I love you more!
Me: I love you the MOST

If you have seen the movie Tangled, you are familiar. Pretty much the sweetest words ever.

I love being a mom.

Out of all the company/business/retailer e-mails I received today, the one from SparkPeople was the most profound and I loved it. I plan to do exactly this:

Yup. It’s my birthday week. I can run (and I have) but I can’t hide. So this week, I’m going to choose happy.

I confess. I’ve been a bit of a negative nelly. Between job interviews and life in general, frankly my outlook has sucked. When a couple friends blew off my birthday dinner, instead of looking at the bright side I bitched and moaned about it. I was heading out to the restaurant with my two dearest friends and I realized that, “I’M HEADING OUT TO THE RESTAURANT WITH MY TWO DEAREST FRIENDS.” What more could I want? It was a wonderful night and I had so much fun catching up with my ladies. I chose happy.

While there was nothing I could do about my exhaustion yesterday (coming home at 2:30am will do that to a mama), I didn’t complain about it. I had a great day with my family at the Zoo and even got some preschooler cuddle time which happens so rarely nowadays. Worried about how many horrific choices I was going to make at Burger Jones last night, I stuck to my plan and ordered their Tiny Tummy Tatanka (buffalo burger) and side field greens salad with balsamic vinaigrette and splurged a little on a beer and just a taste of their excellent fries. I feel good about my choices. I chose happy.

Today was my InBody scan at Medifast. Let’s face it. I drank much more alcohol than usual over the weekend. I am plagued with woman issues today. I was pretty sure it wasn’t going to be a good scan. Negative nelly strikes again. Hanging my head, I walked in to my weekly weigh in and to my surprise:

I read a blog post last week that hit home with me. Especially for those of us who are in a weight loss program, our success is tied pretty heavily (no pun intended) to the scale. On Weight Watchers, you aren’t considered a Lifetime member until you make your goal weight and maintain it. On Medifast, you can’t stop eating their damn food until you make your goal weight. It makes it hard to celebrate those important NSV’s.

Her blog post was about buying the dress in the window. The dress in the window that fit. If you have every been overweight, you understand what a victory that is. It was a reminder to me of how far I’ve come and how I should be celebrating all of my NSV’s rather than dwelling on the number on the scale. I am a healthy me now and it is time to embrace it.

This past Friday, I ran in the Earth Day 5K with approximately 1,600 other runners including one of my closest friends. No, of course I didn’t win the race, but I proved to myself that hard work pays off. After months of training, my goal was initially to finish the 5K in 35 minutes. Last Friday as I started getting nervous about failing that goal, I decided that if I ran the entire race without walking, it would be a victory regardless of my finishing time.

Not only did I run the entire race from start to finish (and I swear to you my legs are still feeling the agony today), but I ran it in a time of 33:46 (chip time). Did I get emotional? Yup. I killed that race. I owned that race. It was amazing.

The final stretch

Crossing the finish line (that time is gun time… takes a couple minutes to get through the starting line)

One of the most startling things to me in my weight loss journey is not realizing how different I look now. How is it possible that I look in the mirror and still see the same 208 lb girl staring back at me??

I have changed. These pictures are proof:

The first of many before & after photos to come. The left is me at 194 lbs, the right is me at 159 lbs.

Pre-Race Festivities

Signing the Runners Wall

Post-Race Glow. We did it!

From running a great time to hanging with my good friend, the night was simply awesome.

Celebrate your victories. Even the smallest ones.

How are you going to be motivated this week?

I have lost 50 pounds (more if you want to count the 35 I gained during pregnancy), am 4 sizes smaller and up until last night, I hadn’t had that “I have changed” epiphany. I felt like the same person. Still the fat girl, accepting of her fate to always be the plus size bigger girl who was always hiding. Hiding behind clothing. Hiding from a justly deserved career. Hiding from life.

When I started Weight Watchers nearly a year and a half ago, at one of our meetings we did an exercise where we would visualize and imagine what it would be like at goal. I remember writing things down like being able to wear fabulous clothing, wear a swimsuit without fear, running faster and simply looking beautiful.

How can I be 8 pounds from goal and not have noticed these things??? People keep telling me I look incredible but I find it so hard to believe! Why did everyone else see it and not me?

My epiphany begins here: 
A few days ago, my husband was perusing some pictures he took at Christmas (yes, the Christmas that was just 4 months ago). He prompted me to come in his office, saying that I had to check something out. Up on his screen was a photo of me with my baby niece. I did a little bit of a double take. Was that me? The chubby face? And to think at that point I was down 20 lbs from Weight Watchers. Last night, my husband came home from work a little later than usual. I was already in my running outfit and he said, “You look awesome.” Maybe all along, this was all I needed to hear from the most important person in my life.

I went on my run, which I had been dreading for some reason, but a half mile in I just felt… awesome. I felt strong. Beautiful. Fast. I completed 3.1 miles in my fastest time to date.

In all my sweaty glory, I went to clean up and really LOOKED at myself in the mirror. All those things I dreamed about? They are now my reality! How could I not see that?

So today, instead of agonizing over what to wear as I have done for so many years, I proudly pulled on my William Rast skinny jeans, my too big company logo dress shirt with a belt cinched around my newly discovered skinnified waist and pronounced to myself and the rest of the world:

I AM A FAT GIRL NO MORE!

P.S. When I officially reach my goal weight I will post before and after picture. Soon my friends, SOON! 

I have been on the Medifast program for 9 weeks and I am quite proud of my ability to stick to it.

However, the further I get into the program, the more tempted I become. Yes, I have had a few cheats over the last 9 weeks. They mostly consisted of a glass (or two) of wine or in the case of the Oscar party a couple weeks ago, full fledged jumping off the wagon for about 24 hours.

The good news is, it didn’t stifle my progress. While I didn’t see enormous losses those weeks in which I indulged, I also didn’t see a gain. I was also able to jump right back into the program without letting those weak days drag me into a downward spiral. I can also thank my many years of Weight Watchers for training me to get in extra fitness when I have indulged because I think that has helped significantly.

Lately, the urge to eat foods outside of the program are immense. We hosted a play date yesterday with Jack’s best friend Andrew and his parents and served pulled turkey breast sandwiches. No biggie, right? On plan, yes? I wanted a bun, chips and salsa so terribly bad. When I ordered a salad on Friday, I didn’t pay attention and when I opened my bag back at the office to eat, it had come with a pesto mozzarella flat bread. It smelled so good. It took every ounce of willpower to throw it away. Part of my program is taking note of the moments I am punched in the face with temptation. What is the situation? What am I feeling? Why do I want these foods? What time of day? All of these things factor into how I will control my diet once I am in the maintenance phase and essentially, for my lifetime.

The good news is that I am in the home stretch. I lost only 1 pound this week which is frustrating as I worked so hard to stay on program. Why couldn’t it be more? On the other hand, I have lost 23.3 pounds on Medifast and I am just 15 pounds from my goal!! I am in disbelief. I discussed with my Medifast Counselor today how badly I was tempted all week and he gave me some awesome advice: “Keep your eye on the prize by re-reading the original reasons you decided to lose weight in the first place.” Solid advice. Here are my top 5 reasons (I probably have more somewhere…):

1. Health & Wellness: I want to be around for my son for long as I can. Prior to my weight loss I had high blood pressure and high cholesterol. I am proud to announce that my blood pressure is now normal. I am also very close to having a normal BMI. For the first time ever, I am actually excited to have a physical this year. I can’t wait to see what a healthy person’s numbers look like. I can’t wait to have my weight not to be one of the things my doctor talks about when I go in for a sinus infection. I also have visions of my weight loss helping with my endometriosis and ongoing issues with polyps and fibroids. No, I’m not having crazy pregnancy wishes or visions; however, maybe I can at least stop taking the medication to control it not to mention saving money on a rather painful surgery.
2. Vanity: I’ll confess some of my reasons for wanting to lose weight are completely vain. Who doesn’t want to look and feel beautiful inside and out?? I love being able to shop at any store I want.
3. Pictures: For the last 3.5 years of my sons life, I have avoided being in pictures because I HATED the way I looked and was mortified when I saw pictures of myself. I don’t want to hide behind the camera. I want to be right there next to him capturing our memories.
4. Fitness: Despite my being out of shape (first run of the season outside on the most beautiful spring day ever = painful), my 1 mile time is the same as it was last summer when I was 23 pounds heavier and running 5 days a week outdoors. I have been able to increase my speed and endurance. Losing the weight is helping my running- less weight equals less stress on my joints and a whole lot less friction! So much more enjoyable!  
5. Expense: Medifast is crazy expensive. There is no way I’m letting this money go down the drain and no way in hell I want to have to do this ever again.   

As I get close to goal, I have started thinking about what to do with my bigger clothes. For a moment in time, I actually considered keeping them “just in case” I gain weight again. I realized thinking in that way is just like saying that all this hard work over the last year was for nothing! So, NO WAY. NOT THIS TIME. I plan to either sell my clothes to consignment or donate them. If I gain weight, then I guess I am wearing some tight clothes for awhile! Once I have completed my Medifast transition, I am also planning to sign up for MyCoach at LifeTime Fitness to help keep motivated and keep my fitness goals on track.

No more yo-yo. This time I lose the weight and keep it off. Forever.