Mixed Bag Of Rant

Like every new year, I start out thinking about all the things I would like to accomplish in the year ahead. I don’t like to think of them as resolutions, but aspirations maybe?

2019 was interesting and ripe with change. Amazing things happened such as winning an industry social media award and welcoming our new puppy Stella to our family. Scary things happened such as having a nanny (yes, when you are as type A as my husband and I… nannies are scary), Mackenzie started Kindergarten (OMG) and Jackson started middle school.

I always feel so motivated at the beginning of the year, but it is hard to put anything tangible together because let’s face it. You just can plan for everything. So while I may have aspirations, I also have forgiveness for myself.

2020 Aspirations

• Continue to advocate for Mackenzie and ensure that she has the same opportunities to do things as any other kid. 
• Be patient with Jackson as he heads into adolescence and is learning how to navigate middle school. 
• Date my husband. Our marriage is in dire need of TLC. 
• Meet my weight loss goal – I started Profile by Sanford in May of last year. I want to reach my goal! Just 15lbs to go! 
• Not just run this year to run, but REALLY train and improve! I started doing Daily Burn 365 and I am confident between that and getting in some gym time I will start seeing some PRs this year. 
• Read one book a month. I know that doesn’t seem like much, but it is considering I maybe read two books all of last year. If I want Jackson to read more, I have to show him that it is enjoyable – I need to be a better role model. 
• BLOG MORE!! I miss writing. I miss sharing. I think it would help me sort out and navigate this crazy life. 
• Spend quality time with friends. 
• Not be afraid to make new friends. Mom life is hard. Feeling awkward among other moms is harder. 
• Work my business. I LOVE my Monat products so why on earth am I so shy about telling the world how amazing they are? 
• Make the church and God a bigger part of my life. I always feel more whole having it in my life.

I had to chuckle when I saw this in my blog post history:

Clearly, I have had many ideas and thoughts but absolutely zero of them have come into fruition to be worthy enough to be published.

My little blog has certainly changed since I started it in 2006, you know, back when I was inspired by the likes of Perez Hilton and didn’t have kids to complain about. It changed from American Idol recaps, to infertility to raising a baby to health and fitness to… nothing? Yikes.

I think that defines this place for me perfectly. A mixed bag of rant. A rant of all the things. This is LIFE. So what does this mean for its future? No more overthinking. No more trying to find a deeper purpose for my blog.

As I sort out my life as a mom, wife, friend, professional and everything else that life is going to choose to spit out at me, I need a place to let it all out. A place to cheer. A place to cry. A place to rant.

You will not find politics of any kind here, so if that is what you are looking for, look somewhere else.

You will find a wife who loves her husband and desperately wants more alone time with him.

You will find the mom of two kids – 1 neurotypical 8 year old with a genius level brain and teenage level behavior and 1 sweet-as-pie special needs 3 year old who has a brain disorder, hemimegalencephaly, who has turned our world upside down in some of the best and worst ways that a human could ever go through.

You will find a friend – or at least a friend who longs for her friends and wishes she had more time for them.

You will find a runner who hits the pavement for the better part of the year for reasons mostly unknown, but will tell herself it is for health & fitness but it is really her escape from reality. Perhaps even a form of punishment and torture?

You will find a working mom who has flip-flopped for 8 years whether or not to continue pursuing her career or being at home with her kids, but somehow continues to pursue the career. Tomorrow she’ll want to be at home with her kids.

You will find a person just trying to pick her way through life. Will you join her?

In all my frenzy over Mackenzie’s issues this year, I haven’t gotten much of a chance to talk about one of my biggest running goals and challenges to date:

Running my first half marathon.

I am now more than halfway through my training program (I am using the Nike+ App Coach) and am about to head into my peak week. That means, my short runs are about 5 miles and my long runs are reaching the 11-13 mile range.

It is beast. It is hard. Sometimes, it even seems impossible.

My colleagues poked some fun at me when I told them that I share my runs and training via social media. I got the “Oh really Jo, you are that person? The person who shares their workouts?”

Yup. I am THAT person. I am keenly aware that there are people out there who are annoyed by this. I don’t post it to show off (I don’t even post my pace… which is still embarrassingly slow in my mind). There are a handful of people who always, ALWAYS hit the like button on my post. And when they hit the like button and I am out on my run? My Nike app sends a cheer to me. Getting a cheer at mile 9 when I feel like I want to die and crawl back home is about the BEST thing ever. So go ahead and be annoyed, but to those who are supporting me and cheering me on… THANK YOU.

There are many times when I admit that I might have bitten off more than I can chew. The training is rigorous and you cannot let up on it (unless you want to be injured, unable to walk for a week or in extreme measures DIE after the actual race). At this point, I am tired. I am sore. Most nights it takes every ounce of motivation to get me out the door and run for an hour or more. And my long runs? I honestly dread them and the mental anguish I have to put myself through to do them.

Yet despite the naysayer in my head, I am determined to do this.

Thankfully, I am not doing this alone. Two others from my running group are also running the half marathon with me – and for us of us this is our first. Words cannot express how grateful I am for their support and for keeping me going. I honestly don’t think I would do it if I had to do it alone.

Kathy – My Sole Sister

Then there is the question of WHY.

This, my friends, is a very good question.

The answer is two-fold:
1) For me. I’m not trying to prove anything to anyone but myself. I want to know that I can set a goal and keep it. For months, I have been starting and quitting Beachbody and DailyBurn programs, but I have not yet quit running. It is my time. Time out of the house. Time to exercise. Sweat. Work out daily frustration. Enjoy the beautiful Minnesota summer. I want to prove to myself that at nearly 40 years old, my body is capable of doing amazing things.

2) For charity. The half marathon I am running is the Minnesota Half Marathon – RBC Race for the Kids. I have run a lot of races in my short running career, and all my high cost fees usually go to charity, but this is one that I truly take to heart. The charity is Ronald McDonald House. Ronald McDonald House Charities, Upper Midwest provides a home-away-from-home for families with children facing critical medical crisis.  They are founded on the belief that a child and family heal best when they are together. I am a mom. My daughter has special needs and my family could very well need these services someday. I want to know they are available not only to me, but other families who want to stay together when their kids are critically ill.

With that said, I am passionate about this cause and about running. So much so, that I am fundraising for the cause. Will you consider a donation? Even $5 will help me in reaching my fundraising goals. More importantly. Do it for the kids!!

http://rbc.kintera.org/raceforthekids/joannekoenig

Those of you who know me know that I never do this kind of thing, so I am hoping JUST THIS ONCE you will consider helping me in raising money for a really great cause.

I promise to start blogging on the regular too and keep you all posted on my journey to the Half as well as my sweet Mackenzie’s progress.

Mackenzie – 18 months

I have been mostly open about my sweet, little Mackenzie. About her… differences.

I am a part of a Facebook mom’s group for babies born in December 2013. They are the most supporting, amazing and wonderful women and moms on the planet. All of our kids are wonderfully unique in their own way, but for the most part, all of their babies did MOST developmental things around the same time.

That’s when I started to worry. Why isn’t Mackenzie doing these things?

Since the time she was about 3 months old, we knew that Mackenzie was likely to have some challenges. We discovered vision issues in her left eye very early on (which is a rare discovery in a baby). However, it was unknown what the impact of these issues would imply. There was also the discovery of her skull ridge, lipoma in her tummy, a small hip joint and one leg longer than the other.

Put ALL of these things together and what do you get?

Overwhelmed, emotional parents of an 18 month old who is severely developmentally delayed.

But Mackenzie… she is special. She is happy. She is blissfully unaware that there is anything wrong with her. Of course, being parents, we want only the best care for her. We don’t want to keep her in the older infant room at her daycare anymore as she belongs with her toddler friends, learning toddler things.

I am sensitive to the fact that she isn’t doing what he is “supposed” to be doing at this age. I don’t go around doing the usual bragging that pretty much all mommies do, so most of my “friends” (speaking of those specifically on social media) are unaware that my daughter has any issues. My husband and I have chosen to keep Mackenzie’s developmental struggles in the family. It just feels too personal to make it a social “thing”. On the other hand – am I not giving my social media friends enough credit? Is the truth that I am worried about being judged?

For the most part, I have brilliant, smart, supportive and mostly Christian social media friends. They would pray for and cheer on Mackenzie as she learns at a year and half to crawl, sit up and pull herself to stand – most things that that the “average” 10-12 month old is already doing.

Mackenzie is very quickly practicing her mastery of pulling to stand. SO much so, that she did it last night from about 2:30 – 5am. With 2 paci’s over the side of the crib, 2 parents who are tired as hell, we finally gave up and let her “figure” it out. She fell asleep around 5am sitting up.

Quickly we learned that just because Mackenzie is delayed, doesn’t mean we aren’t going to go through ALL of the same things every other parent to a baby went through about 6 months earlier.

Yet – I kind of want to scream to the universe that she did this all night long. I’m so proud of her. Physical therapy is hard work for her – they push her to the baby brink and it is sometimes hard to watch. But nights like last night tell me that the hard work is paying off. She’s definitely doing what she’s supposed to be doing – even if she’s giving it her best go in the middle of the night.

I don’t think any parent ever anticipates having a child with special needs. I struggle with work-life balance. I struggle with my desire to succeed and provide as well as my deep need to be with her at therapy every week. I struggle with trusting her daycare to work with her on the exercises she needs to work on. I should be there.

Despite our struggles and setbacks, I love her with the fire of a thousand suns. I love her in a way that is different from anything I have ever known. Of course I love my son to the moon and back, because well… mama’s boy, but Mackenzie… oh Mackenzie and all of her special, unique qualities makes me love her and want to protect her in way that only I, her mama, can understand.

I have had a busy and not so great start to 2015.

I was feeling as if I was finally getting on top of everything on my must-do list:

• I signed up for the MN Running Series and was ready to start training. 
• Got my kids back to being healthy after a rocky December.
• Chopped my email down to under 3,000 in my Inbox (believe me… even that was a stretch). 
• Writing this blog. 

Then I got hit with the flu the beginning of January. Honestly folks, it is no joke. I didn’t physically leave my bed for 4 days. When you are a full-time working mom – it is detrimental to life as you know it. My husband quarantined me nearly the entire time which was lovely for about 2 hours and then all I wanted to do was to hug and kiss my babies. I was too sick to work – so saying I was “working from home” wasn’t an option. It hurt to move. I couldn’t breathe. I mean, honestly, after getting the flu, I can understand why people die from it. I am thankful for Tamiflu which got me back to the land of the living, but I was then plagued shortly after with my 2nd sinus infection of the season which subsequently NEVER went away. After a month of misery, I crawled back to the doctor and begged for something, ANYthing that would ease my aching sinuses. I now seem to be on the tail end of this illness season of horror. I might have even become one of those freaks that applies hand sanitizer to avoid getting hit with any of this nastiness again.

Of course, now that I am on the path back to wellness, my oldest decides that this should happen:

Yes, he broke his arm on the playground at school. The worst part isn’t even the pain of it for him- it is the fact that he broke his DOMINANT arm. I totally feel his pain with that struggle. If I didn’t have access to use my right hand as normal, I would flounder as well. To be 6 and struggling? My heart just breaks for him. We are doing our best to help him, but also need him to learn how to make the best of it. I told him his left hand/arm were going to have superhero powers once his cast comes off in 6 weeks.

Thankfully, my sassy 14 month old has been on a healthy streak. She even decided to start sleeping through the night again (thank god). Her other developmental concerns (particularly as it relates to standing and walking) are being tabled for a month while we bask in the glow of having a healthy, happy baby. Did I mention she is ridiculously adorable? Being the ultimate daddy’s girl, every once in awhile, she cuddles with me so I had to capture the moment. And to answer your question… yes, it drives me crazy that my baby wants nothing to do with her mama most of the time.

As for my wellness quest, I’ve succumbed to the Medifast life again. Only this time, I am back to weekly weigh ins at the center. I am not discounting anything I accomplished over the last year by any means. I lost 50 pounds without anybody asking or telling me to step on the scale, but I have been stuck at the same plateau for nearly 5 months now. I have half a closet of clothes that I can’t fit into since before I got preggers with Mackenzie and I want my wardrobe back. The program is definitely harder when you don’t have as much to lose. It’s also harder when life happens. Between weekly Monday team meeting scones, happy hours and travel for work not to mention a busy, active family it will be a challenge for me to lose 20 pounds in 10 weeks. However, as I learned the first time I successfully completed the program, 10 weeks is a small blip in time to have to make a few sacrifices. The first couple weeks of the program were a difficult transition for me – I only lost 4 pounds which is nothing to sneeze at, but I honestly thought I’d see better results from the start. I’m still on track, but it’s time to settle in. 16 pounds to go. No more excuses.

It’s also time to start training. My first race, the Hot Dash 5k is less than a month away and I haven’t ran in… a really long time. My running partner and I decided to do this first race in an effort to light a fire under our asses to start training again. It’s amazing how having to be away from it (illness… winter…) has absolutely killed my motivation. Pretty sure this first race will be a rude awakening to the work I have ahead of me to get back into race shape.

With all of this said, I have accepted the inevitable:

• My entire family will get sick or injured every winter and it’s time I learn how to cope.
• I never, ever want to do another weight lost program again once I am able to button my old pants. 
• Starting over with running training sucks. 

2014 has been crazy.

Crazy good.
Crazy busy.
Just… Crazy.

Since my last post, on my birthday back in May, life became utter chaos. I had only been back at work for a month and a half following my maternity leave and there was no rest for the weary. Between travel, a new baby, a demanding 6 year old and my running training, there was very little time left for my little blog. In the list of things that had to be cut to make more time in a demanding life, my blog had to be one of them. Oh, how I have missed it! Writing, sharing, chatting about my healthy life victories and epic mom fails is something that I enjoyed.

Let me catch you up on what you may have missed…

Kids: 
My son, Jack, turned SIX in September. SIX!! He started first grade (which is a whole other controversy to be discussed at a later date). It started out a little shaky – new school, new teacher, new friends to make and all. Thankfully he has things figured out and is doing beautifully – no question we made the right choice in sending him forward instead of holding him behind. He continues to be ridiculously smart which forces us to stay on our toes and sassy to the point where I wonder if he suddenly went from 5 to 12 years old. He ADORES his little sister and is a great big brother to her. We also discovered through his having a sibling that his heart truly belongs to his mama – this boy is a mama’s boy and this mama is not complaining!

Then there is my sweet Mackenzie. Can you even believe she turned 1 a few weeks ago? I still continue to stare at her in awe that she is even here in this world. She is seriously the easiest baby ever (or perhaps it is from our years of practice with Jack that she SEEMS so easy). From the moment we brought her in to her first day of daycare, she has been known as the “Smiling Baby.” This year has not been without drama with her – she has issues with one of her eyes and will be wearing glasses for a lifetime because of it. We discovered a mass in her belly over the summer – thankfully, it turned out to be nothing but a lipoma but a trip to Children’s Hospital for testing is not something I really want to do again anytime soon. She has also been slow to hit developmental milestones. While in part, we think this may be the way she is – she does things in her time. Her way. (Not sure what this means for the teenage years…). She doesn’t crawl, but she gets from point A to point B one way or another. Her pediatrician isn’t concerned just yet. We are patiently waiting for her to take her first steps and praying we do not have to see yet another specialist. She’s a champion eater. Girlfriend loves her food. All of it. Whatever we put in front of her so far she devours. Hmmmm…. like mother like daughter?

These kids are my everything. Despite my busy schedule, I rearrange everything to ensure they come first.

Health
For the most part, my 2014 health journey has been good. As you know if you have been reading my blog for any amount of time, I am incredibly hard on myself. I have managed to lose 50 of the 70 (holy crap) pounds gained during my pregnancy.

This year was also a pinnacle year for running. For those that have had a baby, you know that bouncing back is not easy. I had a high-risk pregnancy which meant no heavy duty exercise for 9 long months in addition to postpartum complications. Getting back in the game was not easy and not fun. It hurt. I struggled. I CONQUERED.
April – Get in Gear 5k: This was my first post-baby race. I had a sprained ankle. I was slow. But I did it.

July 17- Esprit de She 5k: I completed this 3 minutes faster than the Get in Gear, but it was not without struggle. It was HOT. The course was challenging. But I did it.

August 2 – Race for the Kids 5k: 2 minutes faster than the Esprit de She – I felt great about this race. The race was sponsored by my company so I was surrounded by many colleagues and cheerleaders. My husband also participated in the Inline Half Marathon so it was amazing to have him at the finish line.

My partner in life. I loved having him racing with me!

August 30 – Women Rock 10k: This was my next big challenge. I committed to it and halfway through my training wanted to kick myself in the ass for making this choice. How on earth was I going to run 6 miles when I could barely survive 3? I pushed through it  – running in the rain, the heat… I trained hard and gave myself a goal of completing it in under 1:20:00. I finished at 1:15:00.

October 25 – Monster Dash 10 Mile: Inspired and motivated by my superhero finish at the 10k, I convinced myself to take on the extra 4 miles and do the Monster Dash 10 mile. With the help of my running buddy and weeks of training, I actually did it. My goal was to finish in  2 hours or under, which was a bit aggressive for where I was at training-wise, and I finished at EXACTLY 2 hours. I PR’d both my 5k and 10k times and admittedly fell apart in mile 9. I discovered exactly which body parts need additional help in my future training and learned what runner’s toe is (not sure what runner’s toe is? Google it.).

My running buddy, Kathy. I could not have completed 10 miles without her.

My sweet boy was at the finish line to cheer me through to the last, painful step!

I ran a 10 miler less than a year after having my baby. Surreal. I may not have lost all the baby weight, but I blew away my running goals for the year. Surprised that I didn’t lose all the weight running those distances? I hit a plateau and because I was so focused on my run training, I wasn’t able to cross-train to bust through it. Kind of an excuse, but, not really. I was focused on healthy eating and held my weight very steady.

Then the holidays arrived… and I jumped ship…

Work
Probably the biggest opportunity of my professional life was presented to me this year. I was given the opportunity to head up the launch of my company’s field social media program. It was no easy feat – with hours of demanding work and many challenges I had to be 110% dedicated to the project. I am insanely proud of what I was able to accomplish in 2014 – fitting a full 12 months of work into a modified year because of maternity leave was not easy.

I am so thankful for an amazing team and for the opportunity to travel and meet so many awesome new people along the way.

In Summary…
2014 was GREAT. Despite having to work more and harder professionally than I ever have in my adult life and the struggle for work/life balance, I have zero complaints.

My family is complete. I have a job that I love. I ran faster and further than I thought I ever could.

I am so, so blessed.

It’s amazing to me how different it is this time around.

I suffered a pretty good bout of PPD with Jackson. For the first year of his life, I was not myself. While I don’t have excuses, there are a lot of reasons why I had PPD. Sure, a baby is a huge life change not to mention you know hormones, but we also moved homes while I was in the hospital with him. We left the home that marked the beginning of our married life and I went home to a brand new house with a baby in tow. It was as if someone had stolen my entire life and replaced it with this new one. Jackson was jaundiced and had to sleep on the bili bed 24/7 (which he hated). He was collicky. He wouldn’t breastfeed no matter how much counseling or help I received. He went into failure to thrive territory and I was forced into formula feeding. I was spewed on for formula feeding. I was a disaster! When the time came to bring him to daycare, I was more than ready. I felt like the most clueless first time parent ever, so I was actually RELIEVED to go back to work. WTH?? What mother feels that way?? I look back on my experience with my sweet boy and all I feel is horror and regret. Once he got out of the baby phase, started talking (and SLEEPING), I started to enjoy him as well as motherhood. I constantly feel like I am making up for that lost time and never miss an opportunity to tell him how much I love and adore him. I always, ALWAYS feel sad that I didn’t enjoy him more as a baby.

It was one of the reasons I wanted another baby so badly. I wanted another chance.

My other chance, by the grace of God, is here and I am not wasting a single moment with her. My maternity leave was full of snuggles and baby talk. I didn’t worry (and frankly didn’t care) if I got anything “done” around the house. I had 12 weeks to make the best of our time together and I can honestly say I did just that. As a matter of fact, I enjoyed her so much and was so attached that the thought of going back to work seemed to physically break my heart. I’m glad that my husband does the daycare drop off with her because, in these first few weeks back, I don’t know if I could have handed my precious baby over to anyone else. I miss her every single day. All day. I cannot get to daycare fast enough to hold her and give her kisses. I feel like she has changed so much and that I am somehow missing it. It seems as if she is one person when I leave her and then when I pick her up and she’s out of nowhere babbling and smiling. She rolling over. She’s no longer a newborn but an infant. Why is this going so fast? Dear Time: slow down! She is my last baby!

I’ve dabbled with the idea of staying home in the past. Mostly because I was unhappy and unfulfilled in my prior job and not necessarily because I had this deep desire to be a SAHM. For the first time ever, I really THOUGHT about it. After getting that first daycare bill, I REALLY thought about it. I imagined what it would be like to be with her every day. To hold her whenever I want. To teach her baby signs. To watch her grow and be the first person to see all of her new milestones and “firsts”. To go on jogs with her in the park. I imagined my son being able to be home with us all summer before starting 1st grade this fall (which is a total WTF moment in and of itself. 1st grade? What?).

However… despite the serious gouging we received after the first bi-weekly daycare withdrawal (which by the way we pay more for daycare than we do our mortgage), we still need my money and my ridiculously amazing health benefits. Despite the deep hole in my heart from missing my baby every day, I know she’s in good hands. And crazy enough? I actually really love my job. For the first time ever, I get to manage a program that I am passionate and excited about. The opportunity in front of me to expand my career right now is huge and if I bail even for a short time, I will miss that boat and I have worked so very hard. I shouldn’t feel guilty for wanting that, right? Because, I do.

Most days I don’t get to see my baby girl before I leave in the morning, but my husband with time permitting, will send me pictures of her to oogle over during my bus ride. Fortunately, I do get to see my baby boy- if I were to leave without saying goodbye to him? He would have the worst day and would NOT let me live it down.

One of the sweet pictures I received in the morning

I was fortunate enough to be home in the morning when he lost his first tooth this week!

I love both my kids so, so hard. It is a mental struggle to leave them every day, but I feel like continuing to be a working mom, they get the best mom out of me. While it was harder than ever to make the decision this time around, I am confident that I made the right choice.

He still cuddles with me. Please tell me that doesn’t change???

But sometimes he would rather cuddle with his sister and I swear my heart explodes with love.

Now that my maternity leave has officially ended, it is time.

Time to stop making excuses.

TIME TO GET MY GROOVE BACK!

No lie, coming back to work has not been easy. First and foremost, I miss my little girl more than I ever thought possible. In two weeks I already feel like I have missed so much and a measly 3 hours with her at night just doesn’t feel like enough. I remember being sad with Jack, but this time feels very raw. Is it because I’m a seasoned mom and actually ENJOY my baby this time around (PPD free)? Is it because she is my last baby? I guess as I get back into being quite busy at work, I have less time to be sad, but still. I miss her sweet face every day.

I miss her sweet, smiling face every day! (Just over 3 months here)

I tell him every day when I pick him up, “I missed you all day!” And I mean it.

I love that he adores his sister. Seeing them together is everything.

Starting back up at work again is more than just a challenge of the heart though. It is also a challenge to my checkbook. Let’s just say that the cost of daycare is my entire paycheck minus about maybe $100. So yes, I am working to send my kids to daycare. We thought we would get some relief after Jack starts summer camp? No dice. That is even MORE expensive than his Kindergarten program with all their field trips, activities and such. So, for the first time in years… we have to really start watching our pennies. I don’t mean that to be a humble brag- we are just good with our money management and always had money saved up for little luxuries here and there. We are more than grateful that we have never really had to be paycheck to paycheck (not to say that we won’t ever be in that place… we aren’t completely naive). The checkbook drainage was just a bit shocking. What does this mean? A few things are going to have to give. One of them being, I have to say goodbye to Medifast. At $300+ bucks a month, it has to go. I’m nervous about what that will mean for my weight loss nutrition. Medifast WORKS for me (I’ve lost 30 of the 50 lbs I gained in pregnancy in 3 months) but the last 20… Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. I fear trying to do this on my own.

I know the last time I posted I had started the Ripped in 30 program again. Yeah. That. Ha. It lasted about a week. My efforts are not completely lost though. With the help of my now recalled Fitbit Force, I was able to watch my activity levels in conjunction with my food intake. Despite my lack of movement, I have managed to lose 10 pounds in a month. That’s not so bad! I do have Medifast to thank for that but I credit most of it to my rash inducing activity tracker. I have reported/participated in the Fitbit recall and am waiting for my refund check. Once I get it, I’ll be in the market for a new tracker. As much as I want to remain Apple geeky and wait for their smartwatch announcement, I kind of want one now. I have my eye on the Basis– it’s spendy, but techie cool.

The Fitbit Rash. As if this isn’t bad enough, this thing actually got worse. Blistered. Peeling. GROSS. It’s no joke, if you own a Fitbit Force, please be careful.

I have two (cheaper) fitness/nutrition options that I am looking into: DailyBurn has a nutrition program called Ignite that I feel would mimic Medifast nicely. The first 21 days on Ignite are “cleanse” of sorts (aka, eating clean) which is exactly what Medifast does throughout. In order not to quickly gain back after Medifast it is important to wean out of it (which is why completing the program is SO IMPORTANT!). The other is working through a Beachbody Coach and joining her 21 Day Fix Challenge Group. This coach is someone I “know” from an online mommy group that I joined when I was preggo with Jackson 6 years ago (!!!). She has really inspired me not only with her own weight loss story, but her postpartum fitness as well. I really appreciate her passion and they way she cheers on her participants. It would be easy to be intimidated by her because she is GORgeous, but if you read her blog and her posts, you would know that she gets it, is ridiculously passionate and she really keeps it real. She WANTS to help people. However… as much as I adore her, I am a little overwhelmed by the Beachbody thing. I feel like you need to keep buying workout programs (and they aren’t cheap) not to mention the whole Shakeology push (which if I’m going to do this, I may as well stay on Medifast). PLEASE correct me if I’m wrong- I know many out there who follow Beachbody, have coaches, ARE coaches so maybe you can give me your pitch before the month ends?

Importantly- I haven’t stopped running! I am currently training for two 5k’s in April and have my sights set on a 10k by the end of August! Here’s my selfie marking my first official outdoor run of 2014. Come on Spring. GET HERE NOW!

Most importantly, I need to find a way to get back my motivation. Between the exhaustion of being a new mom, going back to work and getting the freaking norovirus which shut me down this week, I am having a tough time. A year ago I was fit, healthy and motivated- I need to find that girl again. I need to find balance between being a mom, my career and taking care of my body and the hardest part? Not feeling guilty.

So, yes. It is TIME for this girl (with the totally new chopped hair)-

to GET HER GROOVE BACK.

In an effort to revitalize my blog as well as force me to be more creative with my writing, I have decided to participate in the January 2013 NaBloPoMo (National Blog Posting Month). The theme for the month is “Energy” which I love since I didn’t have much of it to finish off 2012. I cannot even explain how pumped and motivated I am for 2013! I am nothing but energy right now so this theme is perfect for me.

Without further ado, today’s writing prompt:

WHICH DAILY TASKS TAKE UP THE MOST OF YOUR ENERGY

1. Waking up
I never used to have a problem getting up in the morning until I had a kid. Regardless of whether or not the 4 year old sleeps all night, I still wake up at least a couple times for a glance at the monitor to make sure he’s okay. It takes all of my energy to drag my ass out of bed in the morning. The only cure? Coffee. And lots of it.

2. Commuting 
There is nothing that beats me down more than driving to work. If I have had 4 hours or 8 hours of sleep, driving to work absolutely zaps me of my energy. Loud music does not help. Neither does my road rage. Taking the bus has helped; however, the bus clientele does not (this is an entire post on its own).

3. Boring Mindless Projects
There is nothing that sucks up more of my mental energy than boring, lame mindless projects. Are they a necessary part of just about anyone’s job? Yup. For example, cleaning out your email. UGH! Why can’t I just organize it right away than let it pile up?? I recommend a thumping Pandora station to get through it.

My sweet sleeping boy

4. Putting The Kid To Bed
This one should really top the list. Is there anything that sucks more of your energy than the endless nagging to get your kid to go to bed? The following are repeated numerous times:

• Time to go get jammies on. 
• Let’s go brush your teeth. 
• Go potty one more time. 
• Diego or Dora? 
• Sit down and watch your one episode of Diego/Dora please. 
• No, you can’t watch two Diego/Dora’s
• What are reading books on tonight: Nook, iPad or regular books? 
• Just one more book. 
• No you cannot have any water. 
• No you do not need a bandaid for your nonexistent finger wound. 
• I promise. I sprayed the monsters under your bed and they are gone. 
• Yes, I will turn on your light saber night light.
• Close your eyes and go to sleep, Jack.
• Yes, I will stay with you. 

And once ALL of those things are done, I stay with him until he falls asleep and I fall asleep. I usually wake up confused and uncertain of how long I was passed out or if he passed out before or after me. All thoughts of ambition post child bedtime are usually gone because I have now entered in the world of complete exhaustion and watching Soaps suddenly seems like a much more valuable way to zone out than running 3 miles on my treadmill. I then read the book, “Go The Fuck To Sleep” and feel better knowing that I am not alone.

5. Other People’s Drama
I love my family and friends with my entire heart and soul. I will always, ALWAYS listen to their problems and be there for them. Always. (ALWAYS). Did I say always? However… I’m not going to deny that it drains me. Depresses me. Sucks the energy out of me. I know I’m not perfect and not every day is going to be full of positive energy and roses for me- those are the days when I look to my team (a.k.a. my friends and family) to help pick me up. I’m sure I suck the life out of them sometimes too. This is why one of my resolutions in 2013 is to be a more positive and happy person. I fully believe in the book The Secret (and you should read it if you haven’t)- it teaches the power of positive thinking and how by being positive, good things are naturally attracted to you.

There you have it, my top five energy suckers.

So tell me, what daily things suck the life and energy out of you every day? How do you fight back? 

One of the most challenging parts of starting a new job is the loneliness. Yes, people are kind. Yes, people are friendly. But making friends at work doesn’t exactly happen overnight. As I head into my 6th month in my new world, things are finally starting to slip into place. My work is fun and challenging. I have some semblance of work/life balance shaping up. I work with people who are fun and smart.

One of the things I have had trouble with adjusting to in my new work world is my workout routine, especially now that it is dark so early in the evening, the motivation has been lagging. Thankfully, in a sidebar conversation with a colleague the other day, we decided that we need to start working out together over lunch! I have a gym membership and there is a location here in Downtown Mpls that I can visit. So what is my hold up? THERE ISN’T ONE. We decided that starting in January we will take Zumba together at least once a week as a minimum. I’m just SO excited that I found someone who appreciates fitness as much as I do! I felt like a teenager coming home from my first day of school screaming, “Mom, I made a new friend today!”

How are things going in the weight maintenance department you ask? I’m officially retired from Medifast and I am happy to say it isn’t because I was a quitter- it was because I ACTUALLY COMPLETED THE PROGRAM. Holy shit. After years of failure on making lifetime at Weight Watchers, it feels good to say that I made it. Yes, my weight has fluctuated as my body tries to figure out exactly what I’m trying to do to it. Yes, I gained a few over Halloween. I am officially tracking and maintaining via Weight Watchers Online and it has been invaluable in helping me stick with my healthy lifestyle. You know what is amazing? I am okay. I’m okay with gaining a few pounds and I’m glad for it because it means I am conscious of what is going on. I’m still surprised when people say I’m “skinny”. This week, I donated blood (and feel good about doing my part because the supply is heading to victims of Hurricane Sandy)- they had asked if I was eligible to donate platelets but besides being too short, I was also under the minimum weight requirement. I can’t say that has ever happened to me! It feels awesome that I can legitimately be done with the “weight loss” mode of my life and learn how to be this new me.

I did decide to run in one more 5K for the season: the Turkey Day 5K. I LOVE that my good friend Kathy is getting into running and that I have a buddy to do these events with! I have a feeling that she is going to start kicking my ass soon. I’m so proud of her. I’m really excited about doing this 5K though because at least I won’t feel quite as guilty about indulging on that Thanksgiving dinner. My husband and son are planning to join me that morning and I have an extra incentive to finish under 34 minutes- I want to watch my kiddo compete in the Kids K which is 1 lap around the track. He is SO excited to race like his mommy and I am so thrilled that I could even remotely be such a good fitness role model for him.

Overall, I am in a really good place. I am content with my weight. I am content with how I look. I’m content with my job. Stay tuned for a future blog post on the one thing that might be missing.