Mixed Bag Of Rant

On Friday, as I was in the midst of a busy day, I took a break in the afternoon to check my personal email, Facebook and Twitter. The usual breaktime fodder. I noticed pictures of candles and prayers consuming my Facebook feed and then saw the headlines from Connecticut that brought me to my knees. A shooting in an elementary school? How? Why? WHY?

Tears sprung to my eyes and my heart felt heavy. I felt sick.

As a mother, I could not even begin to comprehend such unspeakable tragedy. I could not find words as there were none that would suffice.

As I looked within my social media outlets to find more information, I was troubled by what I saw. Troubled that it has to turn into politics. Troubled that anyone for one second had to turn it into a platform other than what should just be about prayers for the families, peace and love. While there is a time to try to find some understanding and a way to stop something so incomprehensible from happening again, Friday was not that day.

I also saw a Tweet that said: “Hugging our children won’t change anything.”

Really?

Perhaps by teaching love and peace to my little boy, he will turn around and teach it to others. It may not make a difference today or tomorrow, but maybe, just maybe, sometime down the road he will remember that his mama taught him how to love and bring peace to others.

On Friday, my office closed early for the day and instead of rushing off to do errands, I drove immediately to my son’s school to pick him up. I just wanted to see him. Hug him. Be with him. He was so excited that I came to get him early- he was still on the playground for recess. He came running up to me and asked, “Mommy, why did you come and get me so early today?” The only response I could give my 4 year old was, “I love you and missed you all day. Let’s go home. Pizza tonight?” To which he responded in all his innocence, “Okay, mommy. I love pizza party!” That was all he needed to know.

We got home. I made pizza. I sobbed over what I was seeing and hearing, my son all the while oblivious to the horror that took place 1,200 miles away. We then turned the TV off altogether and just spent time with each other. That night, while putting my son to bed, instead of trying to rush him to sleep I stayed with him just a little longer. He fell asleep and I stayed in his room, listening to the sound of his tiny, sweet snores thanking God for the miracle that he is and and the pure joy he brings to my life.

My husband came up to look for me in Jack’s room thinking I might have fallen asleep, asking me what I was doing. I said “No, I didn’t fall asleep. Everything is fine. Tonight, I just wanted to be with him.”

 It doesn’t feel fair that these parents don’t have their babies anymore. It doesn’t feel fair that their holiday will be filled with so much sadness. My heart aches for them as I cannot even fathom what they are going through. These babies… just a year or two older than mine. Gone.

I have struggled to write this post. It has actually taken days to find the precise way to put my thoughts into words. However, I don’t think there is any way to make sense of it. We can only learn from it. Hug our kids closer. Teach them and those around us to live with love, peace and forgiveness in our hearts instead of anger and hostility. Recognize and reach out to those who are crying out for help. Take a moment each and every day to thank God for the tiniest of blessings that touch our lives: friends, family, jobs, a roof over my head, food to eat. Live life without fear or regret. Never take a single moment for granted.

While I am sad and grieving in my heart for these children, teachers and families- I am also choosing to move forward. I’m choosing joy and will do what I can to spread it to everyone around me.

From my family to yours, we wish you a holiday season filled with only peace and love in your hearts.

Minnesota finally received its biggest snowfall since something like February 2011. I was getting worried, I mean, snow and freezing cold- it’s what we’re known for in this place! I may be a freak, but I totally love it. I am a true, Minnesota girl!

Even more importantly, my KID loves it!

Snow & Snuggles? All is right with the world.

Pretty sure he’s happiest about the snow.

Teaching him important life skills necessary to living in Minnesota.

I’m thinking… “I need snowpants too”

It isn’t a snowstorm until you make a snow angel!

I love this kid!

I find it easy this time of year to get stressed out and distracted from the things that truly matter. My son reminds me to take a step back and look at things through his eyes. Remembering that the holiday season isn’t all about buying the right presents or serving the right food but about love and togetherness. Playing in the snow. Enjoying how beautiful life truly is.

For the first time in years, I am at peace this holiday season. I haven’t been stressing out over the fact that I haven’t bought many presents or even that I have no idea what to get anyone. Nobody is fighting about where to go or on what day. I just feel… happy. Content. Blessed. I am in such a good place in my life right now. I am thankful for my beautiful family and friends- without them, I would be nothing. Thankful for a new job and colleagues who gave me an opportunity to succeed, continue to challenge me and love actually showing up every day. Thankful for an online community whom I look to for guidance and support as a professional, mom and of course entertain me and give me a laugh when I need it most. Thankful for new, special friends who came into my life this year that have surprised and inspired me in more ways than I can count.

As you get bogged down by the insanity of the holiday season, pissed off at the shitty traffic that came with a 12 foot snow dump and frustrated with a never-ending sinus infection try to remember and be thankful for the things both big and little that matter the most in life. Love. Peace. Happiness. A White Christmas!

For years, I despised the coming of the holidays. The family tug-of-war. Where do we go? How many turkey dinners is it possible to have in a single day? Then the baby came along and that actually made the struggle worse as everyone wanted to see him. We tried a joint family holiday (yikes). Not knowing what to buy for presents for family. Not knowing if I should buy presents for co-workers. Shopping for the presents with ten gazillion other people. Procrastinating on the outdoor decorations until there is a blizzard blowing outside (true story). Weight gain. Gah.

I could go on. But…

So Proud Of His Tree

Something magical happened this holiday season. My child is old enough to get caught up on the spirit and I have to say, it is contagious. He loves all of the lights. He loves hearing about Santa (he asked if he could give Santa 3 choices this year). He was excited to learn Christmas songs. He keeps asking when his elf Ernie will show up (we are holding out on Ernie as long as possible… that is another whole blog post though). He helped me decorate the tree and is so proud of his work. How could you not be happy being around him?

This is also his first year of Sunday School and I am so happy that he is enjoying it! Every Sunday after the hubs and I pick up Jack from class we “recap” about what he learned in Sunday School. I just love that he’s learning about the true meaning of Christmas and having it be about more than just presents and Santa. He will be singing in his first ever Christmas program and my family (you know… the same ones that were stressing me out every year?), they will be there in full to support him and I LOVE it!

I will also be singing for Christmas with my best friend this year. I love singing with her on the holidays because it is a reminder of how long we have been friends, of everything we have been through together over the last 15 years, how our love for music always bring us together and especially it is a reminder of how much I truly love Christmas.

Here is a little snippet of my BFF and I singing together this past Easter (shameless plug… she has a Christmas Album that she recorded and I’ll be pimping it out for her next week):

So, forget about the stress. Forget about the stuff that needs to get done. Forget about yourself.

Look for the beauty in the holiday season!

I’ll confess it out loud: I am the queen of holiday weight gain.

Perhaps most people start their holiday eating downfall at Thanksgiving. Mine starts much earlier: Halloween. Candy everywhere. I have zero willpower against a mini Hershey’s bar. We dumped the remains of our candy into the last few lucky trick-or-treater’s bags; however, my son still came home with a load. We kept a few “special occasion” treats and put them in a place that is significantly difficult for me to reach. Then there is work. Everyone seemed to have brought their extras in and are placed ever so strategically so I have to walk by it every time I go to the printer. Since I didn’t post any Halloween pics… this sounds like the right time to show you the awesomeness that was our costumes this year:

Zombie Plastic Surgeon

My best friend. I gave her a special face lift.

I’ll leave you with a cute Ninja Turtle.

After a busy week and weekend filled with much more eating out than I care to do, I stepped on the scale this morning. Ouch. I have exceeded my weight threshold by 5 pounds (now 10 pounds over my goal) and must get back in action before the slide goes any further.

I freaking love holiday food. Cookies. Chex Mix. Candies. You name it. I love it. However: I will not let this holiday season get the best of me. I will not let this holiday season ruin my hard work.

I am so glad that I decided to use Weight Watchers as a tracking mechanism. I knew that reaching my goal weight wasn’t going to mean I could let go of the tools I used to get there. I clearly cannot be trusted to be left alone. I tracked my weekend food this morning and I was shocked at how many awful choices I made when I clearly thought I was being “good”. Frankly, I deserve to gain weight after my hideous weekend. Yikes. Tracking is SO important. No matter which tool you use whether it is Weight Watchers, SparkPeople, My Fitness Pal or just a plain old notebook just write down what you eat! Be accountable!

I also need to figure out my fitness. Yes, I’m running in a 5K fun run on Thanksgiving so I have to stay active if I want to be able to walk for the rest of the day next Thursday (okay… Thanksgiving is next Thursday? WTF time. Slow down already!). I am the CLASSIC example of the theory: Oh, I worked out so now I can eat like a pig. I must get rid of that mentality. Immediately.

My Running Buddy- At the Monster Dash

My initial reaction to my weight gain this week was wanting to run back to Medifast. That is not the answer for me. I NEED to learn how to deal with this in the real world. Don’t get me wrong, Medifast was excellent at helping me lose a mass amount of weight, but for a measly 5-10 pounds? I must be able to do this on my own eating real food.

So what’s my plan you ask?

• TRACK TRACK TRACK. I’ve already blown through my points allowance this week, so I have to be on point every day if I don’t want to see the scale creep up anymore. If I can remain honest with tracking, I should be able to make it through the holidays relatively unscathed. 
• WORKOUT. While I don’t have time to sit down with a trainer this week (and realistically, it probably won’t happen until the new year), I know what to do. As I discovered yesterday, running outside when it is cold as hell out is not my gig. My lungs STILL hurt today after yesterday’s 2 mile jaunt. I was actually thinking about starting the 5k-10k training program via treadmill to just SEE what I’m capable of. My friend really wants to do the Women Rock 10K next summer and I need to know what I’m able to do (19 minute mile is their minimum… I run an 11 min/mile 5K… not sure what a 10K will look like). Anyway… I digress… I plan to work out a minimum of 30 minutes every stinking day until I am under my threshold and then commit to a 5 day a week plan. Sound brutal? Well… it should be. I know better. Now I need to make up for it. More importantly, fitness needs to be a regular, routine part of my life if I hope to keep the weight off. 
• DRINK WATER. Since starting my job downtown, I have been inundated with a Caribou or Starbucks in nearly every skyway in this city. Admittedly, my coffee/caffeine consumption has tripled. It started out with my fascination of the Northern Lite Dark Chocolate Mocha (which boasts upwards of 200 calories or something nutzo like that) to being a little smarter and just filling up my mug with dark roast (FYI, I bought a new travel mug while waiting in line… I kid you not this thing keeps my coffee smokin’ hot all day long). While I do get 60oz of water in as a daily average, I could probably be drinking much, much more and I intend to do so. 

Prepare to be shocked.

Exercise makes you feel good!

One of the side effects of my new drugs are headaches. Piercing, mind numbing, bang your head against the wall headaches. Over the weekend, I took a couple days off from running as I was absolutely knocked down by these headaches. Last night I rebelled against them and jumped on the treadmill. It hurt, but I gritted my teeth through the first 10 minutes and low and behold… my headache started to ease. Sure, it may be a coincidence, but it seemed to work. Even if it is a fluke, it sure makes a good excuse to get some exercise in!

Despite my stagnant weight loss, I am PROUD of how much exercise I have been able to do over the past month. Running has helped me ward off illness, build muscle, build endurance (I’m about to start week 5 of Couch to 5K and finding it to be pretty cake), reduce stress and overall feel better. I’ll be picking up my copy of LifeTime Fitness At Home on Wednesday (perfect timing before Thanksgiving!) which features four workouts and nutritional content based on our in-club classes and Healthy Way of Life philosophy. While I am of course enjoying my running program, I would also like to shake it up on off days with these workouts.

I always tend to fall apart in my healthy journey around the holidays. Too much temptation. Too many parties. Too busy to workout. I always throw in the towel and just vow to re-start in the new year.

Not this year.

This is the year the I fight temptation. This is the year I continue to workout instead of quitting.

Are you going to stick to your plan over the holidays or throw in the towel?