Mixed Bag Of Rant

I have read at least two blog posts in the last couple days from people who said something like the following:

“All I did were these simple techniques and the weight just came off.”

Well fucking lucky for you that you were able to apply “simple” techniques such as eating less and taking a walk around the block at night and magically lost weight.

Imagine for a second having issues with weight management YOUR ENTIRE LIFE. Being called “thunder thighs” in jr. high (true story). Having a guy dump you because you gained weight (yup. also a true story). Imagine for a moment someone who applied these oh so simple techniques with NO RESULTS. Frustrating, right? Welcome to my world. Welcome to the world of so many others that I know who have/are struggling too.

I truly believe there is not one all-encompassing weight loss tactic that works for all people. I am not a dietitian or a personal trainer, but in my many (MANY!) years of trying to lose weight, I believe that everyone is different. What works for you will not work for me and what worked for me is probably not going to work for someone else.

Every program out there needs to deal with the larger population as a whole (no pun intended). So how do you find the program that is going to work for you? You have to keep trying. You have to know when to walk away from something that isn’t working and try something different. A lot of people think Medifast is a fad diet. While that may be true in some ways, it was THE ONLY program that worked for me after a lot of years to lose a lot of weight. For me, it wasn’t a “finish the program and move on” thing for me. I will need to have ongoing tools and support for the rest of my life. While Weight Watchers did not work as a weight loss program for me, it has worked perfectly at helping me to maintain and for that reason alone, I will continue to pay for my monthly online access as long as it continues to keep me on track.

My point is… It’s just not SIMPLE. So, please PLEASE stop calling weight loss simple. If that were true, everyone would be skinny and there wouldn’t be such an obesity epidemic. I am happy that your weight loss was easy. I am jealous that all you had to do was eat less and go for a walk around the block.

All your easy journey does is make me feel sad and resentful. Why can’t this be easy for me? Why couldn’t I just lose the weight and have it stay off? Why does this forever have to feel like so much work? Why can’t it be SIMPLE for me, too?

For the most part, I have accepted that weight management will never be simple for me. I will always have to work hard against my genetics and against my anti-carb metabolism. Healthy living will have to be a part of my world forever if I want to remain a size 8. Will I screw up? Absolutely. Will I have to work double time make up for it? Yup. Welcome to my every single day.

So please, if you are one of those people who found your weight loss to be easy, can you just lie to me instead?

Thanks!

I was having a conversation with my close friend the other day about my insane workout schedule, and he said to me, “I need to catch your workout bug!” To which I replied, “It’s not a bug, it’s a lifestyle.”

While I continue to struggle in the nutrition department, I am proud that I have made fitness such a necessary and regular part of my routine. When I contracted walking pneumonia in December, it put me down for a month. As in NO exercise. None. At all. I cannot believe how much I missed it and craved it. I suppose it is entirely possible I am overcompensating right now for that month away in trying to do both a 10K training program and the 30 Day Shred at the same time (yes, it is possible that I am also certifiably insane). However, I feel like I have a lot to make up for in missing those 4-5 weeks of pretty much zero activity.

I also gained about 7 pounds thank you to the ridiculous amount of Christmas cookies and alcohol I consumed over the holidays. Holy shit. Did I mention my Super Bowl Sunday sins? It wasn’t pretty friends. Not pretty at all. Between the wings, the chips, the dip and the beer (to mention just a few) I gained an additional 2 pounds this week putting me officially 7 pounds over my goal weight threshold.

I have a lot to make up for. Losing 7-10 pounds may not seem like a big deal for most people, but for me? I may as well try to climb a mountain. Losing weight does not come easy for me. I can’t just “give up” something and the pounds magically come off. My body does not work that way. It took me 2 years to lose 50 pounds. Yikes.

Despite the fact that I am sore on a daily basis because of my buddy Jillian, I am strangely enjoying the torture. Sore means I do not use those muscles enough. Sore means I need to work harder. Sore means I should probably be drinking more water (as I run to the kitchen to fill up another bottle). I don’t intend to keep this workout pace forever. Getting up before 5:00 in the morning really, really sucks. So why on earth am I putting myself and my body through this agony? I’ll tell you why: to prove that I can. To prove to myself that I can set a 30 day goal and stick to it without wavering. If I am truly “shredded” at the end of this, that will just be the icing on the cake. It will also serve as proof that her program works.

Even though I started out pretty sore with the Shred, my body has been growing stronger. I found that I don’t have to do the modified versions. My run pace has increased from 11 min/mile to 10:45 min/mile (which may not seem like a big deal for the very seasoned runners, but this is huge for me- I have been trying to break 11 minutes for over a year now). If there are any takeaways from doing the Shred over the last 15 days, it is showing me the importance of cross training and strength training and how much it can make a difference in running.

For someone like me, who very easily stumbles off the wagon when it comes to diet and exercise, it is extremely important for me to constantly be making very specific goals to stay motivated. I don’t think motivation to exercise is my problem. I’ve got that part down. However my nutrition… it is the monkey on my back… the bane of my existence… the reason for all of my weight management issues.

What I need is to find a way to incorporate my motivation that I had towards Medifast towards REAL food. Why is it that I was able to follow Medifast meticulously, but when I switched to eating real food I have absolutely zero willpower? I have been tracking points on WeightWatchers and it has done zero for me in terms of losing these extra pounds- hell, I actually GAINED weight since I re-started my WW online tools. I’ve tried SparkPeople, I’ve tried My Fitness Pal. I signed up for a free week on JillianMichaels.com but really hated the site (compared to the WW site, it is like it was built by a college grad out of someone’s basement) but I did get a free copy of Ripped in 30 out of the deal which I will do post-surgery, probably starting in May or June.

So, now what??? I need a meal plan, but do not want to do anything expensive like Medifast, Nutrisystem, Jenny Craig or Seattle Sutton (etc etc etc). So,  I decided to try SpecialK.com. No, I’m not doing the Special K Challenge (i.e. eating cereal for every meal like a college kid). They actually have a really nice meal plan with simplified, healthy recipes for busy people like myself. What I like about it is that it is specific. I think where I get in trouble with Weight Watchers is that it is so wide open to interpretation and with that much flexibility, I get a little too relaxed and that is when I start to cheat. I literally make justifications for my shitty choices. It is amazing. With a very specific and set plan, I am much more likely to stick to it. Of course I need to stay mindful of the insane amount of calories I am burning while running and doing the Shred; however, the “plan” will at least keep me in check. Just like with Medifast, if you stick to the plan, it works.

If you stick to the plan. It works.

If you stick to the plan. It works.

If I say this mantra a million times over, will it stick?

P.S. I just chose an apple over a Girl Scout cookie. Progress has been made. As for the wine I am about to consume one hour from now… that is another issue altogether.

We are now 3 weeks into the new year and I am struggling with my holiday weight gain and learning some valuable lessons in the process.

For some reason, when I went ballistic over the holidays with my eating, I didn’t think it would be a big deal. 5 pounds? So what! I can lose that in a jiffy. Oh MY GOD. I was so wrong. As a matter of fact, despite my best efforts (seriously), I have even creeped up yet another couple pounds. I have no idea what I’m doing wrong.

It’s not even so much the extra pounds… my clothes still fit okay (not great) and I’ve been working out like mad as I train for my 7K in March. It’s the creeping up of the scale that has me concerned as well as old habits that are creeping back in. I’m a carb junkie. I fucking love bread and sugar- it amazes me the excuses I make with myself to have them.

Issue #1: I have a very difficult time controlling my cravings. While some of my cravings may be physical in nature, 90% of it is mental. Those of you on a weight loss plan or those who have food drama issues- do you ever find yourself having conversations in your head about your choices? Mine go like this:

“Oh, I’m just having one piece of candy, it’s no big deal.”

“I’m going to run like an animal for 45 minutes tonight. I can eat a big lunch.”

“Nobody is looking. Quick. Grab another piece of chocolate!”

What. The. Hell. I have to break this cycle. I have to stop cheating. I have to stop this unhealthy behavior.

Issue #2: Crutches. Medifast is now a crutch. My first instinct when I fell outside of my acceptable weight range was to run back and start the 5 & 1 program again. Yes, they were the catalyst that allowed me to lose an excessive amount of weight and for that I am grateful; however, I cannot keep running back to Medifast because I can’t control my eating outside of their program.

I MUST DO THIS with real food. I must learn how to eat. I must learn how to control what I eat. I must remain in the mindset that this is a lifelong commitment and I must not fall into old habits.

MY HEALTHY RESOLVE

Diet/Nutrition: 
I am a WeightWatchers Online member and I made the decision to make that a part of my healthy living commitment once I reached goal. Overall, it is basically the same concept as Medifast maintenance. But tracking my food can’t just be something I do every once in awhile. I NEED to track every single day. I need to hold myself accountable for what I am putting in my mouth. I have zero self-control so this is a necessary part of my weight maintenance. Let me tell you folks: maintaining my weight has proven to be MUCH HARDER than losing it. I have been working very hard over the last week to pay attention to my hunger cues and recognize when and why I am eating. I have been doing a lot of journaling. My habits have been VERY eye opening.

Exercise: 
While I continue to train for my running adventures in 2013 (currently training for the Get Lucky 7K on March 16 and planning to do the Women Rock 10K in August), it has become apparent that I need to start strength training/toning. My husband and I have been eyeing up the X91 Incline Fitness Trainer from Nordic Track- I cannot even TELL you how much this thing would improve my winter running training!! I have also decided to try the 30 Day Shred to see if that can help buff me up. Yes. I will take before and after pictures!! It’s tough- I sometimes feel very physically wiped out after my runs, so incorporating strength is going to be a challenge. You know what though? I’m proud. Exercise has been a top priority in my life over the last year and I have done a great job of sticking with a regular routine.

Motivation: 
My bestie and I just booked our calendars in July for a grown up girlfriend getaway to the Wisconsin Dells! There will be a pool. I will need to wear a swimsuit. In front of other humans. Motivation enough? I think so.

I am also having a relatively major surgery in the next few months with my impending partial hysterectomy. I need to be healthy so I can recover quickly. I don’t want my recovery to be as long and arduous as the last surgery I had. I can’t tell you how ready I am to get this over with so I can just move on with my life.

Self-Confidence:
Even though I have found a very happy place within myself the last couple months, I found that it takes a lot to keep myself there. I get easily derailed. I have a difficult time trusting myself and others with my very delicate heart. When my confidence gets wounded, I fall off the track (ahem… emotional eating much?). I need to be forward about my needs and expectations with those I am closest. I need to be firm with myself about who I am. I need to rid my life of things that hurt or bring me down. Go back to my old mantra: Give it up when it stops being fun. However, that is much easier said than done as I prefer to put bandaids on things to try and make them better rather than throwing them out altogether (I AM a mom you know!). I have been struggling in this area and it is now time for me to put on my big girl pants and be the best me I can be without the crutch of other people. I’ve got this.

All of this said, I am committed and ready for a healthy 2013!!! Bring it on!!

I’ll confess it out loud: I am the queen of holiday weight gain.

Perhaps most people start their holiday eating downfall at Thanksgiving. Mine starts much earlier: Halloween. Candy everywhere. I have zero willpower against a mini Hershey’s bar. We dumped the remains of our candy into the last few lucky trick-or-treater’s bags; however, my son still came home with a load. We kept a few “special occasion” treats and put them in a place that is significantly difficult for me to reach. Then there is work. Everyone seemed to have brought their extras in and are placed ever so strategically so I have to walk by it every time I go to the printer. Since I didn’t post any Halloween pics… this sounds like the right time to show you the awesomeness that was our costumes this year:

Zombie Plastic Surgeon

My best friend. I gave her a special face lift.

I’ll leave you with a cute Ninja Turtle.

After a busy week and weekend filled with much more eating out than I care to do, I stepped on the scale this morning. Ouch. I have exceeded my weight threshold by 5 pounds (now 10 pounds over my goal) and must get back in action before the slide goes any further.

I freaking love holiday food. Cookies. Chex Mix. Candies. You name it. I love it. However: I will not let this holiday season get the best of me. I will not let this holiday season ruin my hard work.

I am so glad that I decided to use Weight Watchers as a tracking mechanism. I knew that reaching my goal weight wasn’t going to mean I could let go of the tools I used to get there. I clearly cannot be trusted to be left alone. I tracked my weekend food this morning and I was shocked at how many awful choices I made when I clearly thought I was being “good”. Frankly, I deserve to gain weight after my hideous weekend. Yikes. Tracking is SO important. No matter which tool you use whether it is Weight Watchers, SparkPeople, My Fitness Pal or just a plain old notebook just write down what you eat! Be accountable!

I also need to figure out my fitness. Yes, I’m running in a 5K fun run on Thanksgiving so I have to stay active if I want to be able to walk for the rest of the day next Thursday (okay… Thanksgiving is next Thursday? WTF time. Slow down already!). I am the CLASSIC example of the theory: Oh, I worked out so now I can eat like a pig. I must get rid of that mentality. Immediately.

My Running Buddy- At the Monster Dash

My initial reaction to my weight gain this week was wanting to run back to Medifast. That is not the answer for me. I NEED to learn how to deal with this in the real world. Don’t get me wrong, Medifast was excellent at helping me lose a mass amount of weight, but for a measly 5-10 pounds? I must be able to do this on my own eating real food.

So what’s my plan you ask?

• TRACK TRACK TRACK. I’ve already blown through my points allowance this week, so I have to be on point every day if I don’t want to see the scale creep up anymore. If I can remain honest with tracking, I should be able to make it through the holidays relatively unscathed. 
• WORKOUT. While I don’t have time to sit down with a trainer this week (and realistically, it probably won’t happen until the new year), I know what to do. As I discovered yesterday, running outside when it is cold as hell out is not my gig. My lungs STILL hurt today after yesterday’s 2 mile jaunt. I was actually thinking about starting the 5k-10k training program via treadmill to just SEE what I’m capable of. My friend really wants to do the Women Rock 10K next summer and I need to know what I’m able to do (19 minute mile is their minimum… I run an 11 min/mile 5K… not sure what a 10K will look like). Anyway… I digress… I plan to work out a minimum of 30 minutes every stinking day until I am under my threshold and then commit to a 5 day a week plan. Sound brutal? Well… it should be. I know better. Now I need to make up for it. More importantly, fitness needs to be a regular, routine part of my life if I hope to keep the weight off. 
• DRINK WATER. Since starting my job downtown, I have been inundated with a Caribou or Starbucks in nearly every skyway in this city. Admittedly, my coffee/caffeine consumption has tripled. It started out with my fascination of the Northern Lite Dark Chocolate Mocha (which boasts upwards of 200 calories or something nutzo like that) to being a little smarter and just filling up my mug with dark roast (FYI, I bought a new travel mug while waiting in line… I kid you not this thing keeps my coffee smokin’ hot all day long). While I do get 60oz of water in as a daily average, I could probably be drinking much, much more and I intend to do so. 

No doubt, Medifast was an excellent weight loss catalyst for me. It helped me detox my body from sugar and carbs. I lost an insane amount of weight. It was an amazing experience that I would recommend to anyone. They do give you the tools you need for a lifetime of maintenance; however, there does come a time when they set you free.

While I am still struggling with a lingering 7 pounds, despite being back on 5 and 1, I’ve decided to just let it go. At 157, I am still at the lowest weight I have been at in years and frankly, it is quite an accomplishment. I find that the longer I stay on Medifast, the more psychotic I get about that number. It HAS to be more than that. My boss asked me the question, “Why do this to yourself? You look fantastic.” Sometimes rather than comb over and over about what I am eating and what I am doing to be stuck in this rut (and to be honest I am dumbfounded that at 1000 calories a day, I am not losing weight), I should really be looking in the mirror and asking myself, how do I FEEL. Like most women, that is a loaded question. Depending on the level of bloat on any given day you can range from feeling like a sexy goddess to Honey Boo Boo. So, during a little break today, I looked in the mirror. In my cute corporate outfit, consisting of my Banana Republic Shawl Collar Wrap top (and I’m including a link because it is the cutest most flattering and comfortable top ever), tie belt, black pencil skirt, black tights and Mary Janes- I feel pretty. I feel fit. I look healthy (don’t take into account my lingering sinus infection giving me my lovely red hued cheeks). You can’t tell I have extra skin or cellulite still clinging to my behind. My hair is done. My makeup is perfection. My clothes make me feel pretty and confident.

How I feel about myself is more than just a number on the scale. Why is that so hard for me to get through my skull??

Therefore, I have made the decision to end Medifast. I went through transition once and yes, I gained. In retrospect, I know what I did wrong. I understand why it happened. Now it is time to move on. I will never be “done” with weight management and it is an issue I will always struggle with. As part of my maintenance, I have decided to subscribe to Weight Watchers online. I always told you I’d go back to WW as a maintenance program!! What I have always liked about Weight Watchers is that it allowed me to be human. It allowed me to have indulgences without getting crazy. It helps to keep myself in check with portions and serves as a solid reminder how important it is to have a BALANCED diet. Let’s face it. There is nothing okay with 900 calories a day and the truth of the matter is, my body is probably putting on weight because it is starving and going into my fat reserves. Logging back into Weight Watchers, I am CLEARLY not eating enough. With 26 points, on my Medifast maintenance, I was only eating 15 of those points, plus tack on exercise? Yikes. Starving. No wonder I’ve been dealing with illness and exhaustion. I think a change will do me good and maybe I’ll even get rid of those stubborn, lingering pounds. I also believe that Weight Watchers is what you make of it. I found it was not effective for me for weight loss but extremely effective for maintenance

After spending the last two years of my life solely focused on nutrition, I am planning another change to my healthy living program. I want to shift my focus back to exercise and training which is why in November I will start myCoach at Life Time Fitness:

myCoach connects you to your own personal fitness coach, who will create your plan, check in with you and provide the support you need to succeed! You’ll get together (in-person) once a month to assess your progress, review and refresh your program. Then it’s up to you to do the work!

While myCoach won’t tell me to eat right, it will help me design a workout program that works for me and is fun for me. It will help me focus. Best of all, I only have to meet with my coach once a month. Other check-ins are electronic. Perfect! It has been very hard for me to maintain a weekly weight check at Medifast. The closest office isn’t that close and their hours pretty much suck. These weigh ins kill Saturday mornings for me. Time that I could be spending with my son. TIME is something I don’t have much of. The gym on the other hand is open 24 hours a day. No real excuses. I can go after the kiddo goes to bed. I can manage meeting with a trainer once a month. This is something I’ll actually be able to do and stick with.

One thing I have learned: maintenance is actually just as hard as losing weight.

I have lost 50 pounds (more if you want to count the 35 I gained during pregnancy), am 4 sizes smaller and up until last night, I hadn’t had that “I have changed” epiphany. I felt like the same person. Still the fat girl, accepting of her fate to always be the plus size bigger girl who was always hiding. Hiding behind clothing. Hiding from a justly deserved career. Hiding from life.

When I started Weight Watchers nearly a year and a half ago, at one of our meetings we did an exercise where we would visualize and imagine what it would be like at goal. I remember writing things down like being able to wear fabulous clothing, wear a swimsuit without fear, running faster and simply looking beautiful.

How can I be 8 pounds from goal and not have noticed these things??? People keep telling me I look incredible but I find it so hard to believe! Why did everyone else see it and not me?

My epiphany begins here: 
A few days ago, my husband was perusing some pictures he took at Christmas (yes, the Christmas that was just 4 months ago). He prompted me to come in his office, saying that I had to check something out. Up on his screen was a photo of me with my baby niece. I did a little bit of a double take. Was that me? The chubby face? And to think at that point I was down 20 lbs from Weight Watchers. Last night, my husband came home from work a little later than usual. I was already in my running outfit and he said, “You look awesome.” Maybe all along, this was all I needed to hear from the most important person in my life.

I went on my run, which I had been dreading for some reason, but a half mile in I just felt… awesome. I felt strong. Beautiful. Fast. I completed 3.1 miles in my fastest time to date.

In all my sweaty glory, I went to clean up and really LOOKED at myself in the mirror. All those things I dreamed about? They are now my reality! How could I not see that?

So today, instead of agonizing over what to wear as I have done for so many years, I proudly pulled on my William Rast skinny jeans, my too big company logo dress shirt with a belt cinched around my newly discovered skinnified waist and pronounced to myself and the rest of the world:

I AM A FAT GIRL NO MORE!

P.S. When I officially reach my goal weight I will post before and after picture. Soon my friends, SOON! 

It may have been a knee jerk reaction. It may have been the fact that I have had no weight loss since about October and I am frustrated.

I can’t believe I did this, but I canceled my Weight Watchers subscription today. Yes, me, the Weight Watchers guru. The one who preached that it is the only program where you can lose weight and keep it off. Yeah. I quit. You can’t keep the weight off if you can’t LOSE IT IN THE FIRST PLACE!!

After a 6 month plateau (is it really a plateau after 6 months??) I decided to seek a new program. After oodles of research, not to mention watching a Twitter friend’s journey of ridiculously awesome success, I chose Medifast.

Yes, I was going to wait until the end of the month; however, I am tired of waiting. Tired of not seeing results. Tired of not getting support. I bit the bullet and scheduled a consultation at Medifast today. Thinking I would just get the scoop on the program and bring it home to talk it over with the husband, the longer I was in the consultation, the more I wanted to do the program. Now, maybe they are trained to sell it that good, but the results of my body scan were very eye opening and encouraging. For the first time since I started my true weight loss journey a year ago, I actually feel like there is a real light at the end of the tunnel. They actually said I would be at my goal weight by Easter. WHAT? I’m not even kidding you. I have tears in my eyes just thinking about it. Can I dare even think about it?

One of the things that was increasingly frustrating with Weight Watchers was the lack of support. Probably one of the biggest selling points with Medifast is the one on one support that I will be getting each week. I need to be able to talk through this with someone who is willing to listen to only me. Where I’m not just a face in the crowd, or can barely speak without someone cutting me off which was happening at my Weight Watchers meeting every single week. I’m going to miss my leader, she is as sweet as they come and I enjoyed her energy and I am going to miss the friends I made (which isn’t hard to do when you’ve been struggling together for a year).

So back to my consult… They did a body scan which was super fascinating and pretty techie cool. Rather than looking only at BMI (as most weight loss programs do) they take into account the entire picture including body composition with analysis and an obesity analysis. I wasn’t surprised to find that yes, I have to lose body fat but was happy to see that my skeletal muscle mass is in the normal range which speaks volumes about how much work I have put into my body over the past year. Not only did it tell me that I have some sense of healthy to my body but it also tells me that I don’t have to lose as much as Weight Watchers was telling me I had to lose. While 38 lbs to lose still feels like a substantial number to me, it isn’t as daunting as 45. I love that they are taking into account my body composition for my goal as opposed to just my height. Saying I’m a little “thick” isn’t an excuse- I bring some guns to the gun show! To say I’m excited about the possibilities with this program is an understatement. I took the bait: hook, line and sinker.

One of my questions for my dietician today was, “Has anyone ever failed?” Her response to this question was crucial. She said, for as long as she had been meeting with people at Medifast she had never seen anyone not reach their goal weight. She then dangled the 10% off carrot at me if I sign up on the spot. After a brief and supportive discussion with my husband, I pretty much asked, “Where do I sign?”

No doubt, the program isn’t cheap. But no more than I would spend being on Weight Watchers for the better part of the last 6 years. It’s not a lose weight quick scam- yes, I’ll likely reach my goal quickly; however, I will get support for a year once I reach my goal. They will teach me and mentor me on keeping the weight off. I am confident once I lose the weight, I will be able to keep it off. I obviously have some skills at maintaining my weight regardless.

Do I have some fears? Of course I do. I have been working Weight Watchers with limited success and I fear this won’t be any different. The program is pretty dipshit proof though. There’s no way to cheat and if you do, it will be obvious.

If you can’t tell, I am so freaking stoked about this. I’m very determined. Very motivated. 2012 is going to be the year I get skinny and healthy for life.

I’m going to consider this my before picture. It is from May 2011 from the first 5K I ran last year (I am about 7 lbs less than this now).  I can’t wait to see what I look like in May 2012!!!

Prepare to be shocked.

Exercise makes you feel good!

One of the side effects of my new drugs are headaches. Piercing, mind numbing, bang your head against the wall headaches. Over the weekend, I took a couple days off from running as I was absolutely knocked down by these headaches. Last night I rebelled against them and jumped on the treadmill. It hurt, but I gritted my teeth through the first 10 minutes and low and behold… my headache started to ease. Sure, it may be a coincidence, but it seemed to work. Even if it is a fluke, it sure makes a good excuse to get some exercise in!

Despite my stagnant weight loss, I am PROUD of how much exercise I have been able to do over the past month. Running has helped me ward off illness, build muscle, build endurance (I’m about to start week 5 of Couch to 5K and finding it to be pretty cake), reduce stress and overall feel better. I’ll be picking up my copy of LifeTime Fitness At Home on Wednesday (perfect timing before Thanksgiving!) which features four workouts and nutritional content based on our in-club classes and Healthy Way of Life philosophy. While I am of course enjoying my running program, I would also like to shake it up on off days with these workouts.

I always tend to fall apart in my healthy journey around the holidays. Too much temptation. Too many parties. Too busy to workout. I always throw in the towel and just vow to re-start in the new year.

Not this year.

This is the year the I fight temptation. This is the year I continue to workout instead of quitting.

Are you going to stick to your plan over the holidays or throw in the towel? 

I knew that I was going to have challenges in my weight loss journey post-surgery. I knew that it would take time for my body to adjust to the new hormones. I knew I might gain. I knew getting back into fitness would be a struggle. I knew all of these things, prepared myself for their reality but still find myself crumpling with despair over them.

I know many who are in the midst of using different weight loss programs. One lost like 50 lbs in like 20 weeks doing Medifast. My colleague is using Slimgenics. She has lost about 17 lbs in 8 weeks. My jealousy? Immeasurable. 

However… I have done these other programs before. I have lost weight. I also gained it all back and then some. Many of them have added on maintenance programs since my day of trying them, but I still stand by my decision to lose weight through diet and exercise. Despite my slow weight loss, I know Weight Watchers is the right program for me. It is teaching me how to make the right food choices out of my own cupboard as well as in my everyday situations. Probably the best part is that nothing is truly off limits. You just learn to be accountable for it. I had my cholesterol checked this past Friday for the first time in probably a decade. I wasn’t entirely surprised that it was borderline high given our frequent trips to Buffalo Wild Wings over the course of the last few months (it’s Jack’s favorite restaurant in the whole world); however, I was bothered by the numbers. It was the first bit of definitive proof of how important it is for me to lose the weight and probably the biggest motivator I’ve had in this journey thus far. I need to be around for my family.

Despite my recent struggles, I continue to go to my Weight Watchers meetings to weigh in and get the support I need every week. Yes, my heart sinks when I see the numbers going up and down and essentially nowhere, but I am THERE and that is half the battle. I remind myself that from the point I had my baby until now, I’ve lost 50 pounds and 20 since I started WeightWatchers this year. That is something to be proud of.

Our homework last week was to set one attainable goal for the week that has nothing to do with the number on the scale- one thing that will aid my healthiness journey that I struggle with. My goal was to track my food every day. Every Thursday following my meeting, I am always inspired but conveniently forget to track on the weekend. As connected as I am with an iPhone, iPad and laptop you wouldn’t think this would be so hard! So no more excuses. I’m going to track everything I eat from here on out.

Some results…

The proof that tracking works:

Interesting, yes? When I earn consistent activity points combined with food tracking I lose more weight. While I stayed steady this week, I didn’t gain and I am okay with that. Time to stop thinking I can do it without the tracking. Tracking works and this is PROOF. Coincidence? I think not! I’m going to continue to be diligent in my tracking efforts this week and we’ll see if this trend continues. My additional goal for the week is to DRINK MORE WATER and more closely monitor my diet other than just tracking points.

A year from now, I desperately want to be able to go back to my doctor at my goal weight and find that my cholesterol is in the normal range.

What healthy goals are you going to set for the week?

I always get inspired to bake on just about any holiday. For Halloween, I decided to bake this WeightWatchers recipe (just 2 points each!) to celebrate the fun day!

Brownie Cupcake Bites
21oz regular brownie mix
1/2 cup water
1/2 cup unsweetened applesauce
2 large egg whites, lightly beaten
2 1/4 cups lite whipped topping
2 oz candy corn, about 36 pieces

Preheat oven to 350. Line 36 mini muffin tin holes with mini cupcake wrappers.

In a large mixing bowl, combine brownie mix, water, applesauce and egg whites. Mix 50 times with a wooden spoon (use 50 strokes); do not under mix. Pour brownie mixture into prepared muffin tins, about 1 tablespoon per hole.

Bake cupcakes until a tester inserted in center of a cupcake comes out clean, about 12 minutes. Remove from oven and cool completely, remove cupcakes from pan. Before serving, decorate each cooled cupcake with a tablespoon dollop of whipped topping and 1 piece of candy corn. Yields 1 cupcake per serving.

Sadly, my store was completely out of candy corn. So I used some sprinkles that I had in the house instead.

Recipe is from www.weightwatchers.com.

Happy Halloween!